So this morning I totally got screwed...no, not in a good way. I get up, start the usual morning routine and my mom was also up. She started letting dogs out so I helped while I was racing around getting ready for school. Then, I was running late so I raced out the door while trying to put my gloves on, carry my heavy bag and check my watch. I ran about half way up the street then called my mom to tell her the girls were still outside and needed to be brought in. Then she gets on the phone and was like, oh didn't you notice, I'm not at home...I'm in Florence (a town like ten minutes from my town). I was like what?? She said I hadn't done the things she wanted me to (bathing one dog and brushing another) so she was leaving. I wasn't doing what she expected of me so she wasn't going to do what I expected of her. ie: Her staying home with Caleb while I'm at school. So, I had to turn around and walk back home absolutely furious. Had she warned me last night that those things needed to be done by morning or else, I would have stayed up all freaking night long rather than miss classes. Every single one of them take attendance and I've used now 2 of the 3 free days before my grade drops. The first time was when she had a doctor's appointment and couldn't take Caleb so I stayed home. This was just a stupid reason to miss. So I came home and sent an email to all my professors saying sorry, she bailed on me and at this hour (by now it was 6:20) it's not like I could call anyone to sit with him.
So now I've sort of had the day off. I've been doing the things I was supposed to already have done. I'm still pissed and her whole crap about it being my own fault and if I didn't straighten up and talk to her she'd do it again tomorrow and the day after. (When she originally came home she asked me if the nurse for my Gramma had called and I told her to not even talk to me, just leave me the heck alone...she didn't like that.) So I'm civil enough, if she asks me a question I respond but it's not like I go out of my way to talk to her. I'll do what she asked but I'm not going to apologize for anything and I certainly don't need to sit down and discuss our feelings with each other. She's unhappy with me, got it. I'm furious with her, I'm quite sure she got that. End of discussion. I'll do what she expected, now she can do what I expect and we're even.
My teachers have all been really good with me in understanding my situation with Caleb and her. They've all been satisfied seeing as I sent the email very early and had a legit reason. I've never missed a class other than the one I mentioned so I have a good record with all of them. My geology teacher wrote me back saying he didn't know that I had a kid so we've been talking via email. He has a fourteen year old and I was like shocked. I though he was early 30s, maybe 31? I suppose he could be about that age and just had his son young. Heck I'll be 32 with a 14 year old so it's completely plausible. He's fun to talk to and offered to stay Friday after class and go over everything we did today rather than me just copying notes from someone else which I thought was nice. I've never had a teacher offer that, usually they say just to get notes from someone. I told him I had German right after his class so I couldn't do that. Unless he has free time after that (and before I catch my bus) then I'll copy a friend's notes who's also in the class. So I'm still frustrated with my mother but I'm trying to be civil and at least I know I can catch up relatively easily when I go back in Friday.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Waiting
Something just occured to me the other day; I had been feeling that all hopes for the two of us were lost and I was going to sit in my little woe-to-me world. Then my mom asked me if I thought there was a chance for the two of us, maybe we could end up together. That's what got me thinking. He put on his blog the well known, let love go and if it comes back it was meant to be, otherwise not, kinda deal. How is it that we dated for about a year (not long by most peoples' standards) and are still in touch years later. How is it we get in so many arguments, to the point that we quit speaking for a couple months, but then are able to pick up again right where we left off. I know what it is: love.
I know that I love him and that I see a future with him. I'm certain he still loves me but is afraid of a future with me. I burned him pretty bad and now with an ex-wife, life hasn't gotten any kinder towards him. He said he's not going to go looking for anything, it it happens then he won't stop it. I thought about that and wondered if he was sort of referencing us. When I visited him in Houston when I was still early in my pregnancy, he later told me he had almost proposed. Now, we've gone through all the nitty gritty and he's coming to see me December 5th. I wonder if he'll be looking at it the same way he looked at the situation from Houston. I know he obviously wouldn't be in a rush to propose, after all he's still trying to deal with his ex, but maybe it would give him his own guidance as to whether he really would want to spend the rest of his life with me.
I look at this entire situation though and think ya know, I really think I have him, it's just a matter of time. There is something between us that despite the bad relationships and outcomes, we still come back to each other. I feel that connection that says he's it, he's the one and I just have to wait for it. So wait I will. Sometimes that's really the best thing anyone can do, just sit back and wait for the other person to come to them, knowing it's only a matter of time. :)
I know that I love him and that I see a future with him. I'm certain he still loves me but is afraid of a future with me. I burned him pretty bad and now with an ex-wife, life hasn't gotten any kinder towards him. He said he's not going to go looking for anything, it it happens then he won't stop it. I thought about that and wondered if he was sort of referencing us. When I visited him in Houston when I was still early in my pregnancy, he later told me he had almost proposed. Now, we've gone through all the nitty gritty and he's coming to see me December 5th. I wonder if he'll be looking at it the same way he looked at the situation from Houston. I know he obviously wouldn't be in a rush to propose, after all he's still trying to deal with his ex, but maybe it would give him his own guidance as to whether he really would want to spend the rest of his life with me.
I look at this entire situation though and think ya know, I really think I have him, it's just a matter of time. There is something between us that despite the bad relationships and outcomes, we still come back to each other. I feel that connection that says he's it, he's the one and I just have to wait for it. So wait I will. Sometimes that's really the best thing anyone can do, just sit back and wait for the other person to come to them, knowing it's only a matter of time. :)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Men on the Bus
Well, my mom was right. I rarely admit to that but yes, she's right. There, I said it twice. lol The boy and I broke up, it was very nice, I simply told him I felt he wasn't in the relationship for the right reasons (duh) and he just said ok. He didn't try to ask for specifics or what led me to my conclusions, just said ok and we'd stay friends. I'm sure he knew what I was talking about. So we're done, friends but that's it.
Now, the day I met him there was another good looking African dude sitting there but he didn't talk to me, ex boy did. Since then, I've seen him around and we've started chatting. Last week we were on the bus together because his roommate was borrowing his car for the day. Previous to that the car had been in the shop which was why we met in the first place. So he said once he got his car back he'd be back to driving, lucky him. Then today, I was standing at the bus stop as usual, kind of zoning out, and a car pulled up to the stop. I glance over and it was newbie. (He's from Ghana by the way, nice accent.) He said get in, he'd give me a lift home. I was like score. So I climbed in, he knew how to get to my town so I didn't even have to give directions. He also remembered what it was called which makes me wonder if he didn't look it up online beforehand. lol Who knows, it was just nice to get home early.
We pulled up, I got up and he started to turn around in my neighbor's driveway to leave. My mom was just coming out with the two puppies and was like, what are you doing home? I told her a friend gave me a lift. What friend? Who is that? I don't remember you mentioning him. lol It actually didn't even occur to me until after she brought it up though, I think he lives in Cincinnati because when he's gotten on the bus with me he always leaves to catch *I think* the Cinci bus. Of course, I stop in Cincinnati and then go back into Kentucky from there so I could be wrong. So I think he even went out of his way to take me but I'm not sure. Maybe I was en route, maybe I wasn't. I have to ask him where he lives again. Next thing out of my mom's mouth: Well don't go getting involved with him either, you don't need to be seeing anyone right now. lol I was like yeah, I know. He's good eye candy and I like his accent (me and foreigners...) but that will probably be it.
Now, I have another guy on the bus who doesn't ride all the time but usually I'll see him once a week. He's very quiet and when he used to sit next to me, I'd be looking out the window listening to my ipod and I can see in the window reflection that he'd sit there and keep looking at me. I would then turn my head to look at him and he'd whip his head around and act like he'd been looking elsewhere; it amused me. So two weeks ago I decided to give him a reason to keep looking at me and said hey. I started talking to him, just chit chat, and he reminds me so much of a boy in grade school unsure of how to handle himself around the girls. He's not a bad looking dude, kinda cute actually, in construction, 26 and from Ecuador. I told you...me and foreigners...so we chat, just general crap. So this last time when we were on the bus, I was asking where he came from and if he had family from up here blah blah and there was this older guy sitting by himself in front of us. I saw him look behind at me and he said something and started wagging his finger at me. I was like, what? So I leaned forward and asked what he said. He repeated in his same quiet, mush mouth tone so once again I had no idea. I looked at my dude and he shrugged so we both just laughed. I was probably getting reprimanded for talking to a guy I didn't know. lol
So now I have men crawling out of the woodwork. I have someone on the bus that usually talks to me about something, be in politics or as was the case today, dogs. (This guy's dog is a holy terror and I was trying to tell him how to fix the problem but he's a nimwit and I know he won't do what I told him.) It's amazing the people you'll meet on the bus, mine just seem to be all men. lol
Now, the day I met him there was another good looking African dude sitting there but he didn't talk to me, ex boy did. Since then, I've seen him around and we've started chatting. Last week we were on the bus together because his roommate was borrowing his car for the day. Previous to that the car had been in the shop which was why we met in the first place. So he said once he got his car back he'd be back to driving, lucky him. Then today, I was standing at the bus stop as usual, kind of zoning out, and a car pulled up to the stop. I glance over and it was newbie. (He's from Ghana by the way, nice accent.) He said get in, he'd give me a lift home. I was like score. So I climbed in, he knew how to get to my town so I didn't even have to give directions. He also remembered what it was called which makes me wonder if he didn't look it up online beforehand. lol Who knows, it was just nice to get home early.
We pulled up, I got up and he started to turn around in my neighbor's driveway to leave. My mom was just coming out with the two puppies and was like, what are you doing home? I told her a friend gave me a lift. What friend? Who is that? I don't remember you mentioning him. lol It actually didn't even occur to me until after she brought it up though, I think he lives in Cincinnati because when he's gotten on the bus with me he always leaves to catch *I think* the Cinci bus. Of course, I stop in Cincinnati and then go back into Kentucky from there so I could be wrong. So I think he even went out of his way to take me but I'm not sure. Maybe I was en route, maybe I wasn't. I have to ask him where he lives again. Next thing out of my mom's mouth: Well don't go getting involved with him either, you don't need to be seeing anyone right now. lol I was like yeah, I know. He's good eye candy and I like his accent (me and foreigners...) but that will probably be it.
Now, I have another guy on the bus who doesn't ride all the time but usually I'll see him once a week. He's very quiet and when he used to sit next to me, I'd be looking out the window listening to my ipod and I can see in the window reflection that he'd sit there and keep looking at me. I would then turn my head to look at him and he'd whip his head around and act like he'd been looking elsewhere; it amused me. So two weeks ago I decided to give him a reason to keep looking at me and said hey. I started talking to him, just chit chat, and he reminds me so much of a boy in grade school unsure of how to handle himself around the girls. He's not a bad looking dude, kinda cute actually, in construction, 26 and from Ecuador. I told you...me and foreigners...so we chat, just general crap. So this last time when we were on the bus, I was asking where he came from and if he had family from up here blah blah and there was this older guy sitting by himself in front of us. I saw him look behind at me and he said something and started wagging his finger at me. I was like, what? So I leaned forward and asked what he said. He repeated in his same quiet, mush mouth tone so once again I had no idea. I looked at my dude and he shrugged so we both just laughed. I was probably getting reprimanded for talking to a guy I didn't know. lol
So now I have men crawling out of the woodwork. I have someone on the bus that usually talks to me about something, be in politics or as was the case today, dogs. (This guy's dog is a holy terror and I was trying to tell him how to fix the problem but he's a nimwit and I know he won't do what I told him.) It's amazing the people you'll meet on the bus, mine just seem to be all men. lol
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