Yesterday I was looking at some of my old posts and realized I've been writing on this blog for over two years now. It's always amazing to look back and see how much has changed in two years.
I was still at OSU, young, in love and wasting too much of my time. I had some of my best experiences up there but some that would only create havoc down the road. Hind-sight is always 20/20.
I had such high hopes when I first graduated high school. I graduated at 16 with a 3.5 GPA that I had to work hard for. I was accepted at OSU which was my first choice college and going to study Arabic, a language I had been wanting to learn for quite a while. I was restricted a lot in high school, mainly because my grades seemed to be all over the place for a while and that made my mom angry. Thus, she took away pretty much all of my freedoms and I didn't have much of a social life throughout high school. It started to really turn around for me in my junior year; I had made it past the dreaded sophomore year which at my high school was the hardest year and usually when the most people dropped out. So things got easier and then my senior year I took several AP classes and did fairly well. They definitely helped my GPA and those last two years were what really brought me out of the hole. And no, keeping me locked up at the house didn't help to motivate me, it made me rather depressed for quite a while and I had many battles with myself. Some of them still pop up on me today but I have much better control now.
My issues from high school I think sort of carried over to my college career. I was away from home and I was happy to have freedom and I took too much advantage of that. I couldn't seem to motivate myself to sit down and do well. Some classes I did well, others I totally bombed. I worked at a popular food spot on campus and there met my boyfriend. I'd had boyfriends before but none were like him. It's rather hard to explain but when you find someone special you just know. I scared him a bit at first and we used to joke about that quite a bit. Still, we became very close (obviously) and I wanted to spend most of my time with him. That was hardly his fault, I should have had the common sense to put my studies first and the relationship after. There's that good ole 20/20 view coming back into play.
After my mom yanked me from OSU because I wasn't doing so hot and the tuition was too expensive for my current grades I got a rather nasty wake up call. Why it took the extreme who knows. I saw the future that I wanted get flushed and had to start planning an entirely different path to get where I wanted to go. Still, I worked it out as best I could in my mind and thus began school again at a university near my house, NKU, which I call the cement prison. (Everything is cement...)
I got my act together and started doing really well and sure enough my GPA is being rescued from the pit of despair. While there I met another guy who I had actually gone to high school with. He was one of the poor souls that couldn't make it past sophomore year. We had not been friends but for some reason we clicked in college. We started dating and while I never did fall in love with him I enjoyed my time with him. That is, until I got pregnant. That was definitely not in the game plan.
I cannot begin to explain the heartache I felt when I first found out I was pregnant. I was terrified, worse than that really but that's the best word I can think of to describe it. I remember calling Malisa, a family friend, sobbing and telling her I didn't know what I was going to do. How was I going to tell my mom? How was I going to tell Matt, the boyfriend? He took it well which I was surprised at; my mom did not which I expected. The first couple months I cried plenty; I didn't have the support Matt had promised me, I was constantly reminded of the disappointment I had caused myself and my family. I was right back in my little hole and with time I had to learn to climb out of it and rework my life once again to fit in a child.
While I still loved my ex-beau from OSU and knew he loved me, I realized any future we could have maybe had together was gone. I couldn't really blame him; not many men can take back a girl that broke his heart and had another guy's baby. I was hoping to stay at least friends but I am thinking now I have also lost that. He was my best guy friend (yes you can have a best girl friend and a best guy friend) and very much a part of me. Still, he is now married and our lives have gone in very different directions.
Given all of this though, I have my little boy, Caleb, who I wouldn't trade for the world. Something about that first time I held him in my arms made it all worth it. All the frustration I had gone through while being pregnant, feeling terrified and anxious, feeling betrayed and turned against only to realize who some of my true friends really are, all of it culminated to that one moment when he was handed to me.
Now he is seven months, sitting up and babbling constantly. He's trying to crawl although not always successfully; he's more interested in standing up. I am going into my senior year at school, still doing very well and at my current rate, will graduate with a decent GPA. Considering the abomination it was before, I will be extremely happy.
Yes in two years a lot has happened, I never could have imagined I would be where I am now. It's rather funny, another friend of mine who I knew from high school has also at times been amazed at where I am, both good and bad. I was the sort of quiet good girl in high school. I sang in the choir, was one hell of an orator but didn't go out much. Then I turned into some wild child and got pregnant. Nope, I don't think anyone saw that coming. lol Still, I have yet another game plan, now the third and hopefully the last. After I graduate I am going to go back to OSU. The thought that I could be defeated by a language that two year olds can learn bothers me to no end. I am good with languages; I will not say that I failed at one I set out to learn. So I have to take the round about way and have several detours but in the end, I am still going to say I accomplished what I set out to do.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Crap Parents
I just got home from the pool. It was real sunny and warm when Caleb and I left so I thought it would be a good time; it was hot but not real late so we could miss some of the crowds. Well, I was right. I actually got a lounge chair, Caleb was happy chewing on his toy, I jumped in the water once to cool off then came back and laid down. He was pretty content for a while but then started to get fussy so I took his float and went over to the baby pool. The water was freezing! I put my feet in it and was like holy crap, Im not putting him down in that! So we just sat at the edge, he was happy to be on my lap watching the other kids, I was happy to keep my feet cool. win-win.
There were these three little kids in there, one was a little boy and he had on a swimsuit with a built in flotation ring, it looked sort of funny but hey whatever works. He was probably about two? Then there was another boy, Logan, who was a little older, maybe 4 and then another younger girl like 3. They were jumping around and water was splashing everywhere but it didn't hit Caleb so all was well. Then Logan and the girl had one of the those Huggies bottles that their sunscreen comes in, it was empty so they were playing with it. They would fill it with water and then dump it on the poor little kid's head! He didn't seem to mind and just kept walking around the pool but I was sitting there thinking this isnt going to last, hes going to get upset, where the heck is his mother.
Well I was right again. He did start to get upset and started to cry. Did bratty Logan stop? Of course not! He just kept laughing and dumping more water on this poor little boy who kept trying to get away and was eventually really crying and yelling momma! momma! Meanwhile, group of idiotic women were sitting on the other side of the baby pool in a circle, gabbing away, completely disregarding the kids. It's like, they figure if they're in a baby pool with floaties nothing can happen to them. That Logan creep could have easily drowned that little kid and none of them would have even noticed. A couple of times (before little kid, ill call him bobby for now, started really screaming) one woman would look over and be like oh Logan, don't do that honey, I don't think he likes it. Logan would reply he was giving Bobby a bubble bath but his mom had already turned around and was completely ignoring him yet again. So, naturally, Logan went back to harassing Bobby. At one point when I could tell Bobby was starting to get irritated I even told Logan to leave him alone. He gave me the biggest sneer; I swear, if there weren't so many people around I would have hopped up and smacked that boy right across the face. Then I'd tell him to look at me like that again and he'd be lucky to have a face when I was finished with him. Still, what could I do? I simply glared back.
After Bobby started really screaming for his mother (and I mean, really screaming) I eventually went over to him. I was still holding Caleb but thought the least I could do would be to try and protect him from Logan creep who was still dumping water on him. Well Bobby could tell I was obviously not his mother and so wouldn't stay around me and Logan was looking at me, looking at Bobby, back and forth. When Bobby went to the opposite side of the pool I sat back down and thought if his mother didn't get up I was going to go over to the bunch of ninnies and tell them to keep an eye on their kids. Well one woman did get up and go over and was like oh honey, whats wrong. Oh you feel cold, are you cold? So she picked him up and wrapped him in a towel, took him back to the circle of fellow ninnies. I so much wanted to tell her that he had been crying for her because he was being harassed by her friend's son and neither of them gave a rip to pay attention even when he was screaming bloody murder. Even another older woman was near me and could see that I was getting upset and said she couldn't believe the mother wasnt paying attention either. I said what the heck is wrong with her, it's her son and he needs her! ARGH!!! Anything could have happened to that poor boy, even on accident, and she couldn't bother to pay attention. No, she just wanted to sit and gab with her girlfriends completely ignoring the child who was being harassed by a boy twice his age.
My mom always said that if you don't stand up for your kids, no one will. Part of being a mother is looking out for your kids. Whenever I am with Caleb I always know who's around me and what's around me. I pay attention not only to what Caleb is doing but what others are doing around him. I'm at the pool with my son and I pay more attention to that poor Bobby boy than his own mother. There were probably six of those ninnies sitting around talking and none of them could watch those three kids. It just makes me so angry, that's how bullying starts and it only escalates because kids don't learn when enough is enough and how to control themselves. On the opposite end, the bullied kids don't learn how to stand up for themselves because they've never been shown how and have never been stood up for. If I saw some kid dumping water on my boy after I told him not to and it's obvious Caleb didn't like it, I'd be over there kickin butt. I wouldn't care if it was a good friend's son, his ass would be mine. I can truthfully say I won't ever be on the other side where Caleb would be the bully though. If I saw him dumping water on some other kid I'd tell him to stop, this would be before the other kid gets upset. Then, if he didn't stop, I'd get up and spank his butt. I wouldn't let it keep going and going until the other kid was reduced to tears and screaming for his mother. There are just too many crap parents in the world that don't know how and don't care about controlling their kids. If I had pulled that kind of crap when I was little, my mom would have pulled my swimsuit down right there and spanked me in front of everyone. I knew that when she said it was enough and to stop, it meant to stop...right then.
So after that, I was irritated and we went back to the lounge chairs. I felt a couple of drips so I decided to pack up and come home before the rain. Too late. I made it half way and it started raining, not hard, but certainly enough to be wet and wanting an umbrella. I put a towel over the stroller like a tent so Caleb stayed dry and of course, I got home, put the stroller in the garage and it quit raining. I told God that was a very cruel trick especially after I had tried to help the poor boy in the pool. But I thought maybe we'd actually get enough and I wouldn't have to water the other gardens tonight; nope, just enough to make me wet and irritable but not enough to saturate the ground. grr.
And so concludes my rant on crap parents. lol
There were these three little kids in there, one was a little boy and he had on a swimsuit with a built in flotation ring, it looked sort of funny but hey whatever works. He was probably about two? Then there was another boy, Logan, who was a little older, maybe 4 and then another younger girl like 3. They were jumping around and water was splashing everywhere but it didn't hit Caleb so all was well. Then Logan and the girl had one of the those Huggies bottles that their sunscreen comes in, it was empty so they were playing with it. They would fill it with water and then dump it on the poor little kid's head! He didn't seem to mind and just kept walking around the pool but I was sitting there thinking this isnt going to last, hes going to get upset, where the heck is his mother.
Well I was right again. He did start to get upset and started to cry. Did bratty Logan stop? Of course not! He just kept laughing and dumping more water on this poor little boy who kept trying to get away and was eventually really crying and yelling momma! momma! Meanwhile, group of idiotic women were sitting on the other side of the baby pool in a circle, gabbing away, completely disregarding the kids. It's like, they figure if they're in a baby pool with floaties nothing can happen to them. That Logan creep could have easily drowned that little kid and none of them would have even noticed. A couple of times (before little kid, ill call him bobby for now, started really screaming) one woman would look over and be like oh Logan, don't do that honey, I don't think he likes it. Logan would reply he was giving Bobby a bubble bath but his mom had already turned around and was completely ignoring him yet again. So, naturally, Logan went back to harassing Bobby. At one point when I could tell Bobby was starting to get irritated I even told Logan to leave him alone. He gave me the biggest sneer; I swear, if there weren't so many people around I would have hopped up and smacked that boy right across the face. Then I'd tell him to look at me like that again and he'd be lucky to have a face when I was finished with him. Still, what could I do? I simply glared back.
After Bobby started really screaming for his mother (and I mean, really screaming) I eventually went over to him. I was still holding Caleb but thought the least I could do would be to try and protect him from Logan creep who was still dumping water on him. Well Bobby could tell I was obviously not his mother and so wouldn't stay around me and Logan was looking at me, looking at Bobby, back and forth. When Bobby went to the opposite side of the pool I sat back down and thought if his mother didn't get up I was going to go over to the bunch of ninnies and tell them to keep an eye on their kids. Well one woman did get up and go over and was like oh honey, whats wrong. Oh you feel cold, are you cold? So she picked him up and wrapped him in a towel, took him back to the circle of fellow ninnies. I so much wanted to tell her that he had been crying for her because he was being harassed by her friend's son and neither of them gave a rip to pay attention even when he was screaming bloody murder. Even another older woman was near me and could see that I was getting upset and said she couldn't believe the mother wasnt paying attention either. I said what the heck is wrong with her, it's her son and he needs her! ARGH!!! Anything could have happened to that poor boy, even on accident, and she couldn't bother to pay attention. No, she just wanted to sit and gab with her girlfriends completely ignoring the child who was being harassed by a boy twice his age.
My mom always said that if you don't stand up for your kids, no one will. Part of being a mother is looking out for your kids. Whenever I am with Caleb I always know who's around me and what's around me. I pay attention not only to what Caleb is doing but what others are doing around him. I'm at the pool with my son and I pay more attention to that poor Bobby boy than his own mother. There were probably six of those ninnies sitting around talking and none of them could watch those three kids. It just makes me so angry, that's how bullying starts and it only escalates because kids don't learn when enough is enough and how to control themselves. On the opposite end, the bullied kids don't learn how to stand up for themselves because they've never been shown how and have never been stood up for. If I saw some kid dumping water on my boy after I told him not to and it's obvious Caleb didn't like it, I'd be over there kickin butt. I wouldn't care if it was a good friend's son, his ass would be mine. I can truthfully say I won't ever be on the other side where Caleb would be the bully though. If I saw him dumping water on some other kid I'd tell him to stop, this would be before the other kid gets upset. Then, if he didn't stop, I'd get up and spank his butt. I wouldn't let it keep going and going until the other kid was reduced to tears and screaming for his mother. There are just too many crap parents in the world that don't know how and don't care about controlling their kids. If I had pulled that kind of crap when I was little, my mom would have pulled my swimsuit down right there and spanked me in front of everyone. I knew that when she said it was enough and to stop, it meant to stop...right then.
So after that, I was irritated and we went back to the lounge chairs. I felt a couple of drips so I decided to pack up and come home before the rain. Too late. I made it half way and it started raining, not hard, but certainly enough to be wet and wanting an umbrella. I put a towel over the stroller like a tent so Caleb stayed dry and of course, I got home, put the stroller in the garage and it quit raining. I told God that was a very cruel trick especially after I had tried to help the poor boy in the pool. But I thought maybe we'd actually get enough and I wouldn't have to water the other gardens tonight; nope, just enough to make me wet and irritable but not enough to saturate the ground. grr.
And so concludes my rant on crap parents. lol
Friday, June 06, 2008
Hot
It is extremely hot. Here we are in the beginning of June and the weather is already in the 90s. I'm not sure what that means the rest of the summer will be like...I'm not sure I want to know. So here we all sit in the wonderfully air conditioned house, being bored.
We are having a new garten put in. Ours was crazy and the lambs ear plant took over the whole freakin universe. So yesterday these three guys came in and cleared most of it out, took down three of our trees that had died from the last summer when we had like no rain. They worked for eight hours yesterday and will come back, tomorrow maybe, to put in the new plants.
Caleb, my son, is now learning how to crawl. He's definitly mastered the army crawl and he can get up on all fours; he just hasn't learned to actually move all four limbs together to get where he wants to go. I'm rather happy about that; I know once he figures it out, he'll never sit still. I got him a little baby float so that when we go to the pool, he can sit in it and it has a few toys attached to it for him to play with. Now I won't be confined to the baby pool; he can come with me to the bigger one and just float around and I can actually be in the water with him. It is now 11am and already 88 degrees. ugh.
We are having a new garten put in. Ours was crazy and the lambs ear plant took over the whole freakin universe. So yesterday these three guys came in and cleared most of it out, took down three of our trees that had died from the last summer when we had like no rain. They worked for eight hours yesterday and will come back, tomorrow maybe, to put in the new plants.
Caleb, my son, is now learning how to crawl. He's definitly mastered the army crawl and he can get up on all fours; he just hasn't learned to actually move all four limbs together to get where he wants to go. I'm rather happy about that; I know once he figures it out, he'll never sit still. I got him a little baby float so that when we go to the pool, he can sit in it and it has a few toys attached to it for him to play with. Now I won't be confined to the baby pool; he can come with me to the bigger one and just float around and I can actually be in the water with him. It is now 11am and already 88 degrees. ugh.
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