I think about you every day, mostly in the evenings.
It is during the evening that the house is quiet and I'm alone with my thoughts.
I wonder what you're thinking, how work is going and if I creep into your thoughts as often as you creep into mine.
I wish I was there to see you in the morning when you wake and at night as you fall asleep.
I wish I was there to give you a hug when you have "one of those days" and nothing seems to go as it should.
I wish I was there to tease you about how grown up you are and how I remember you in a time that wasn't so long ago and yet seems like decades.
You should know that most of my good stories and memories involve you.
You should also know I expect more of those.
All of my future plans include you and I only hope I am included in yours as well.
I love you.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Ex-friends
So today I got a call from a friend of mine whom I haven't talked to in a little while. Last time we talked, he claimed I was just all that and told me he saw a long term future with me and wanted to know if he had a shot with me. I found that interesting seeing as we hadn't talked in a little while and I know he at least had been dating casually. I wasn't quite sure what to say so, as gently as possible, I told him I liked him as a friend but that was it. I wondered if he would be able to accept that and remain just friends or if he would fade away and no longer talk to me. Some can't remain "just friends" and I can accept that. When I saw him calling on my phone I thought that was a good sign; we could be friends and he had gotten over the rejection.
He told me he was just bored and thought he'd give me a call to see what I was doing. I told him nothing overly interesting but that I did have good news; I told him that I had just gotten the papers today from my attorney saying child support will be starting for my son in about a week. I am in desperate need of the money and was thrilled at the amount. So I told A my good news and he didn't take it at all like I expected. All of my other friends have been very supportive, saying go after the SOB. A on the other hand, proceeded to berate me and essentially tell me how awful I was being.
He said I was being awful for making him pay so much a month (around 360) and that I shouldn't be so hard on the guy who had given me the greatest joy in my life. I said yes, he had a part in that, but that greatest joy isn't cheap. So he asked me how much my son could really cost each month. I told him child support doesn't just cover the exact amount of clothes or diapers but is the overall care of the child. Child support goes towards the house, you know, providing a roof, air, water, electricity, food, diapers, clothes, time and gas for doctors appointments etc. He just couldn't grasp the concept and kept repeating how unfair I was being. I said welcome to life: it isn't fair.
Then, my favourite excuse: he's young and scared. I about flipped out on the phone. That was the same excuse his mother had given me last year as to why he hadn't bothered providing anything for his child or even telling his side of the family until I was nearly 7 months pregnant. So to hear A telling me the exact same thing, I just couldn't believe it. I reminded him that he's nearly a year older than me and somehow I managed to tell my family AND raise the child for the first year without an ounce of help from him. A just told me that I'm very mature and can't expect him to be the same way. My response: bull crap.
So he then explained how it's essentially all my fault because I should have had the sense to make him wear a condom. After all "guys think with their dicks" so it's up to me to hold their hand and make sure they're doing what they should be. I should also be prepared to accept whoever I have sex with that I could spend the rest of my life with them. I apoligized that my hormones apparently got the best of me and I didn't anticipate pregnancy then decide to go for it anyways. Overall, it was horrible. I couldn't believe that someone who claimed to be my friend would so berrate me and then take the side of the nitwit. That put him even lower than nitwit in my mind. I was getting very upset and finally told him I had to go and hung up. Needless to say, we won't be talking again. Originally I wasn't planning on ever talking to him but I figure if he calls or writes, I'll respond and tell him why we won't be friends. I can't be friends with someone who would defend a dead beat dad...especially when they claim to be my friend. So yeah, it was lovely and I was very upset. Still, my mom reminded me that he's simply showing me who he is and it's better I find out now rather than later. With friends like him, who needs enemies?
He told me he was just bored and thought he'd give me a call to see what I was doing. I told him nothing overly interesting but that I did have good news; I told him that I had just gotten the papers today from my attorney saying child support will be starting for my son in about a week. I am in desperate need of the money and was thrilled at the amount. So I told A my good news and he didn't take it at all like I expected. All of my other friends have been very supportive, saying go after the SOB. A on the other hand, proceeded to berate me and essentially tell me how awful I was being.
He said I was being awful for making him pay so much a month (around 360) and that I shouldn't be so hard on the guy who had given me the greatest joy in my life. I said yes, he had a part in that, but that greatest joy isn't cheap. So he asked me how much my son could really cost each month. I told him child support doesn't just cover the exact amount of clothes or diapers but is the overall care of the child. Child support goes towards the house, you know, providing a roof, air, water, electricity, food, diapers, clothes, time and gas for doctors appointments etc. He just couldn't grasp the concept and kept repeating how unfair I was being. I said welcome to life: it isn't fair.
Then, my favourite excuse: he's young and scared. I about flipped out on the phone. That was the same excuse his mother had given me last year as to why he hadn't bothered providing anything for his child or even telling his side of the family until I was nearly 7 months pregnant. So to hear A telling me the exact same thing, I just couldn't believe it. I reminded him that he's nearly a year older than me and somehow I managed to tell my family AND raise the child for the first year without an ounce of help from him. A just told me that I'm very mature and can't expect him to be the same way. My response: bull crap.
So he then explained how it's essentially all my fault because I should have had the sense to make him wear a condom. After all "guys think with their dicks" so it's up to me to hold their hand and make sure they're doing what they should be. I should also be prepared to accept whoever I have sex with that I could spend the rest of my life with them. I apoligized that my hormones apparently got the best of me and I didn't anticipate pregnancy then decide to go for it anyways. Overall, it was horrible. I couldn't believe that someone who claimed to be my friend would so berrate me and then take the side of the nitwit. That put him even lower than nitwit in my mind. I was getting very upset and finally told him I had to go and hung up. Needless to say, we won't be talking again. Originally I wasn't planning on ever talking to him but I figure if he calls or writes, I'll respond and tell him why we won't be friends. I can't be friends with someone who would defend a dead beat dad...especially when they claim to be my friend. So yeah, it was lovely and I was very upset. Still, my mom reminded me that he's simply showing me who he is and it's better I find out now rather than later. With friends like him, who needs enemies?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Blah
I'm bored, simply put. It's nice during the summer that I don't have to go to school but it also gives me extra time to think of all the things I need to be doing. It's dawning on me that I'm still rather clueless about what I'm going to do after graduation. I sent out probably a dozen applications for jobs, mostly part time, that I could do for at least my last semester. I need money and my kidlet certainly isn't getting cheaper. So no one has called for an interview and that's very disheartening.
I'm trying to patch things up here at home; mainly my mom and I seem to be getting on each others' nerves. I'm sure it's because we're both stressed with life in general and we take it out on each other.
I think I must also be rather hormonal because I'm feeling especially lonely. Normally that isn't something I really feel. I may miss someone but I don't feel lonely, per se. Lately though, I've had too much time to think about my lack of job, lack of special someone and too much stress.
On a better note: I have a new pet. My mom rescued a turtle from the highway and brought him home. Sadly, he escaped the enclosure I made for him in less than 24 hours and is who knows where. So today, she called me and said she has rescued three more and is bringing them home. We probably won't keep them all, maybe just one or two. I need to figure out a new construction for a pen; probably a trip to Home Depot will be in order. So that seems to be the most interesting part of life lately...
I'm trying to patch things up here at home; mainly my mom and I seem to be getting on each others' nerves. I'm sure it's because we're both stressed with life in general and we take it out on each other.
I think I must also be rather hormonal because I'm feeling especially lonely. Normally that isn't something I really feel. I may miss someone but I don't feel lonely, per se. Lately though, I've had too much time to think about my lack of job, lack of special someone and too much stress.
On a better note: I have a new pet. My mom rescued a turtle from the highway and brought him home. Sadly, he escaped the enclosure I made for him in less than 24 hours and is who knows where. So today, she called me and said she has rescued three more and is bringing them home. We probably won't keep them all, maybe just one or two. I need to figure out a new construction for a pen; probably a trip to Home Depot will be in order. So that seems to be the most interesting part of life lately...
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