Mothers Carry On

It's interesting in how kids were raised, they often carry it on in how they raise their kids. Granted, the things they didn't like, they change, so it's never the exact same. The things they found effective or even like though, they keep and raise their children using. I have found I raise my son using many of the aspects with which I was raised.

It seems many parents these days do not believe in physical disciple of their children. Really that means spanking their bratty kids on the butt when they get out of hand. There is a huge difference between abusing a child and disciplining a child and I think some don't think about that or don't understand the difference. Who knows what the excuse is; they think simply telling their children that they're not happy will really change what the child is doing. My mom would tell my sister and me that she wasn't happy and then count to one. That was the not subtle saying that we better knock it off right now. If we failed to do so, she said to knock it off right now or else, two. That was usually when we stopped bickering or whatever stupid things kids can do. If we couldn't get control of our attitudes, she said three and that was when we got spanked. Now when we got spanked, it was not just the little tap on the butt that I've seen some parents give where the kid barely blinks. No, a spanking was well worth my mother's and our time. Did we bruise or were we somehow destroyed like some tend to think these days? No. Did it hurt enough for us to think "Wow, that hurt like heck and we really, really don't want to go there again."? Oh yeah! So next time we got to that position, she could get to two and we shut up lest we get to that spanking position again.

That is now how I raise my son. Granted, he is autistic so he has more wiggle room. I am able to tell when he is simply acting like a brat and when his autism is taking over him. When the autism is taking over, no amount of discipline will do anything and really, that is not his fault, there is nothing he can do. I have a seizure disorder; it'd be like telling me mid-seizure to knock it off or I'd get spanked. Yeah, no control when a seizure decides to take over. When the autism gets out of control, nothing helps, good or bad. That's when it's time to try to change the atmosphere so he can get in control. Now, when he's simply acting like a toddler brat, oh yeah, he can be told to get his act together. Then sometimes he does, other times he doesn't and he gets disciplined by me just as I was disciplined when I was a kid.

I see sometimes how usually older adults will look at us when my son's autism has taken over and sort of have that look on their face like, "can't that woman get control of that kid." I understand that feeling because that's one I've often felt towards women who let their kids run all over the place or scream and don't try to comfort them, etc. I'm not about to explain to every individual though that my son is autistic and that being in a busy grocery store can sometimes overwhelm him and no, I can't get control until we leave or they dim the lights and get all of you obnoxious people out of the sore. My mom actually came up with the very effective manner of really compressing his head and that calmed him immensely. Why that worked? No idea but oftentimes, that hard compression on the whole body or certain parts of the body helps those dealing with autism. Many people had sort of a horrified look on their face as a woman looked like she was trying to break a child's head but it so helped him that neither of us cared what anyone else thought. So there ya go everyone! Learn good things from your mothers and things that you really feel need changing, change it for the better things. :)

Wow, One Year!

It's amazing how it's been a year since I have posted and how things can change. Dreams change, mind settings change, drives change and I think even my tolerance continues to change.

I remember when I was a little kid, my big dream was to be a radiologist. I saw x-rays and was fascinated with their usage to understand the body, issues and make a diagnosis. Did I really understand the wide scope of radiology? No, but I was a young child. I still remember the shock that people had when I was in first grade and some would answer how they wanted to be a ballerina or a firefighter and my answer was to be a radiologist. I kept that dream until high school where I struggled with biology and realized if I struggled with high school, I had no hopes of surviving med school so I should really move on. A fascination doesn't mean you really cut it.

I developed another dream which I really saw as just a dream; one that is fascinating and I'm sure plenty day-dream about but keep it as just that: a day-dream. However, I'm seeing now how to get a hold of that, how to get closer. I only discuss it with one because if I never make it, then no harm done; if I make it, then I have fulfilled one of my dreams.

I did have brain surgery in hopes of escaping the many seizures I have. I spent three weeks in the hospital and had two surgeries. I cannot possibly explain the excruciating pain involved. I hear people now say that they had such horrible pain, blah blah, oh my gosh, it was awful! I know that it must have been the worst pain they had ever experienced so sure, it seemed pretty bad. However, it is hard for me to keep fawning over them and saying, "Oh, you poor thing! I'm glad you made it out of the hospital after a few days/one week!) Even if there for a couple weeks, I know their pain couldn't be near as bad as mine. Granted, anything involving the brain and I can absolutely empathize and know how awful it is. Anything else, when they can complain, it's not that bad. I remember being in there, lights out, drapes closed, sunglasses on, head buried in the pillows under my arm and it was still too bright. Simply moving and it caused the throbbing to increase by at least a couple hundred times. Apparently I went five days without eating and was forced to eat then, threw up several times, etc. Yeah, brutal. I should write a whole post about that, it's bad..

My son should be getting into the ABA certified school this fall. This means his autism will be fully tackled by those who know how to fully handle autistic kids and I saw such improvement in him when he was there for a short time. It was a bit difficult getting the funding to get him in but it's done; he should be ready for the fall. He wants to read so while we work on that at home, I'm sure he'll just take off at school.

On my personal note, I had a friend tell me I have too high standards. I thought about that and disagreed. I have a young son so I know what we need and what I want for the two of us. I have seen the good and the bad and I was raised by a single parent. Granted, she was married for a short period of time and that was actually when the bad started coming on. I really, really don't want that. So I've been asked why I won't take someone back if I love them or why I'd leave them if I truly love them and that's because I rationally look at the future. I can have all the love now but if I see failure in the near future, it's not rational to so hurt both families, ourselves, my son and properties involved. Some simply call me rational in being able to look that far in the future and essentially remove myself from the picture to evaluate. I tend to agree with that, obviously!