This evening has been one of the best evenings I've had in quite some time. While the day was uneventful at best, this evening my mom, Caleb and I went over to a friend's house and had dinner with her, her husband, and her two young boys. Caleb was very good, didn't cry at all, just wandered from room to room, trying to pick everything up. We had little snacks and pizza, nothing fancy. It was nice having adult conversation even if I was jumping up every couple seconds to chase after Caleb.
My phone went off and while I normally would ignore any calls while with company, I was hoping to hear back from a certain doctor. While I was in the hospital for my seizure testing I did this huge psychological test which looked at IQ, personality, you name it. They often adminster those for patients hoping for surgery because they can find any issues in the brain that seizures might have had some affect on. For instance, some people may have very bad verbal skills or memory because seizures have actually sort of fried that part of the brain. So I was very interested in what he had to say and left my phone on hoping to hear from this doctor. Now it was actually a doctoral student who administered it who, by the way, was very very cute. He's 24 and working on his doctorate. Damn he was cute. Wish I could have gotten his number; of course when he saw me I was in a hospital gown with wires and goop all over my head so I probably didn't look very nice. lol
Anyways, this doctor (who is like the boss of the guy who tested me) talked to me on the phone for like 20 minutes. Apparently, I am like the perfect candidate for brain surgery which could completely eliminate my seizures. According to the study, I am smarter than 85% of the people in Cincinnati (of those surveyed) and while he couldn't remember my exact IQ, he said it's like 113 or 115, somewhere around there. So he'll present my case to the board and they'll discuss everyone considered for surgery and hopefully I'll get the unanimous vote needed to get the surgery. The doc sounded really optimistic though about it so I'm just praying I can get it done and get it done soon. I am in a great mood just at the thought that I could seriously be considered for this surgery and he said within like 6 months, I could even see my IQ increase by like ten points; that's how drastic the changes can be with this surgery. I go in a couple weeks to see my regular neurologist and we'll see what he says; I'll get more info then and hopefully it's still good news. :D
Friday, January 30, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Stimulation
So I am sitting on the bus and thankfully, TANK has been wonderful enough to make most of the busses wireless accessible. Woo hoo, now on the hour long bus ride I can check email, update the blog and even harass any of my friends that might be online this early in the morning. :)
As I sit with my coffee sloshing around in my stomach I realized I should have brought something to eat because a long bus ride coupled with two cups of coffee and no food does not mix well. Oh well, that's what music blasting in my ear is for, good distraction. A long bus ride also gives me time to ponder things floating around in my brain that I either have no time normally to ponder or choose not to until such a time as this.
I have been thinking about relationships and doing a bit of self analyzing. My mom was a psychology major in undergrad and while she has done finance for a living she is still quite gifted in seeing the hidden sides of people, oftentimes seeing things that individual does not even see. She mentioned something to me which I had never really considered before. She said I am perfectly capable being on my own, I'm not the needy type, but when I find someone I like I am apt to fall head over heels and give them my all. That doesn't mean I'm off to marry them, just that I let my emotions run amuck and don't keep them in check. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. I do tend to see the best in people and oftentimes need to tell myself to get a grip and really look at someone for who they are, not for who I want them to be.
For instance, this friend of mine who I've been interested in is nice enough but as I step back and look at who he is as an individual and also as he relates to me, I'm seeing we're probably not the best match. He is young (although older than me) and still a bit stuck in the teenage years of partying and trying to get his life together. I've realized we lack what I crave in a relationship: good conversation. I like sex just as much as the next girl (or maybe more so) and I'm sure he'd be great but if I don't have that mental connection with someone, my interest in them fades quickly. So when his messages to me are usually dominated by his horniness or lack of sex, I am quick to be distracted and quit talking. Last time he messaged me with that, I was busy, really not in the mood and just replied with a "uh huh." He didn't like that. At all. He just said fine, be that way and quit talking. We haven't talked since and honestly, it doesn't bother me. He says he likes me but if he's thinking fuck buddy liking, then he's going to be sorely disappointed. So if he wants me in any form he's going to have to work hard to get his act together because I'm not just hanging around for him.
I have another friend who is similar to him in the sex regard though I'm not sure how he'd be in the sack. I have no issues with my male friends telling me all about their sex lives, a lot of them come to me for advice on how to deal with their girlfriends or just women in general because they all know I am very easy to talk to and am surprised by nothing. So when this friend randomly says he's horny it's like ok. However, when he is constantly saying that and asking when we're going to get together or how I'm the woman of his dreams, it drives me bloody insane. I've tried telling him over and over that we're just friends and will remain that way, I have no interest in him beyond that. It just doesn't seem to be sinking in though. So now I'm at the point that I just don't want to talk to him and often avoid him because I'm tired of the same sex dominated conversations. He doesn't have any real goals and cannot handle me intellectually so my relationship interest in him is zero.
The only one who has been able to handle me intellectually and physically remains only a friend. While I had wanted more it came to the sad reality that we just won't work and will remain friends. I'm happy to have him as one of my best friends and of course have my memories of when we were actually together as a couple.
Then a close family friend, who is the closest I've had to a father, will sometimes talk with me about relationships and says you know Leah, you'll find someone, don't settle. I know that and I think he worries that I think no one will want me because I have a kid and I'll settle for some idiot. Really though I don't worry about that very much. I know what I want in life and while I'd like to have a partner, I will not settle for a bloody idiot. I've had plenty of them around that if I wanted to settle I could but they all lack that ability to stimulate me mentally.
So I'll stick with my eye candy of which I'm able to pick out fairly easily. It's funny, in high school it was always like, ignore the boys because they're idiots and wait till you get to college when they're supposed to be older and more mature. I've come to realize that college is essentially a bigger high school. Boys still chase the girls while the girls play hard to get. The boys are all horny and everyone is still trying to figure out what to do in life. I think that's why I prefer older guys; they're typically past wanting to party and drink themselves into oblivion while trying to get with any girl who will have them. They've also had more life experiences that have taught them how to handle a woman properly and how to use their brain getting thus good conversation. So theres my stint on men and relationships, complicated as they are. The key boys: use your brains, much better shot of getting with a woman if you act like you have a brain and know how to use it. lol
As I sit with my coffee sloshing around in my stomach I realized I should have brought something to eat because a long bus ride coupled with two cups of coffee and no food does not mix well. Oh well, that's what music blasting in my ear is for, good distraction. A long bus ride also gives me time to ponder things floating around in my brain that I either have no time normally to ponder or choose not to until such a time as this.
I have been thinking about relationships and doing a bit of self analyzing. My mom was a psychology major in undergrad and while she has done finance for a living she is still quite gifted in seeing the hidden sides of people, oftentimes seeing things that individual does not even see. She mentioned something to me which I had never really considered before. She said I am perfectly capable being on my own, I'm not the needy type, but when I find someone I like I am apt to fall head over heels and give them my all. That doesn't mean I'm off to marry them, just that I let my emotions run amuck and don't keep them in check. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. I do tend to see the best in people and oftentimes need to tell myself to get a grip and really look at someone for who they are, not for who I want them to be.
For instance, this friend of mine who I've been interested in is nice enough but as I step back and look at who he is as an individual and also as he relates to me, I'm seeing we're probably not the best match. He is young (although older than me) and still a bit stuck in the teenage years of partying and trying to get his life together. I've realized we lack what I crave in a relationship: good conversation. I like sex just as much as the next girl (or maybe more so) and I'm sure he'd be great but if I don't have that mental connection with someone, my interest in them fades quickly. So when his messages to me are usually dominated by his horniness or lack of sex, I am quick to be distracted and quit talking. Last time he messaged me with that, I was busy, really not in the mood and just replied with a "uh huh." He didn't like that. At all. He just said fine, be that way and quit talking. We haven't talked since and honestly, it doesn't bother me. He says he likes me but if he's thinking fuck buddy liking, then he's going to be sorely disappointed. So if he wants me in any form he's going to have to work hard to get his act together because I'm not just hanging around for him.
I have another friend who is similar to him in the sex regard though I'm not sure how he'd be in the sack. I have no issues with my male friends telling me all about their sex lives, a lot of them come to me for advice on how to deal with their girlfriends or just women in general because they all know I am very easy to talk to and am surprised by nothing. So when this friend randomly says he's horny it's like ok. However, when he is constantly saying that and asking when we're going to get together or how I'm the woman of his dreams, it drives me bloody insane. I've tried telling him over and over that we're just friends and will remain that way, I have no interest in him beyond that. It just doesn't seem to be sinking in though. So now I'm at the point that I just don't want to talk to him and often avoid him because I'm tired of the same sex dominated conversations. He doesn't have any real goals and cannot handle me intellectually so my relationship interest in him is zero.
The only one who has been able to handle me intellectually and physically remains only a friend. While I had wanted more it came to the sad reality that we just won't work and will remain friends. I'm happy to have him as one of my best friends and of course have my memories of when we were actually together as a couple.
Then a close family friend, who is the closest I've had to a father, will sometimes talk with me about relationships and says you know Leah, you'll find someone, don't settle. I know that and I think he worries that I think no one will want me because I have a kid and I'll settle for some idiot. Really though I don't worry about that very much. I know what I want in life and while I'd like to have a partner, I will not settle for a bloody idiot. I've had plenty of them around that if I wanted to settle I could but they all lack that ability to stimulate me mentally.
So I'll stick with my eye candy of which I'm able to pick out fairly easily. It's funny, in high school it was always like, ignore the boys because they're idiots and wait till you get to college when they're supposed to be older and more mature. I've come to realize that college is essentially a bigger high school. Boys still chase the girls while the girls play hard to get. The boys are all horny and everyone is still trying to figure out what to do in life. I think that's why I prefer older guys; they're typically past wanting to party and drink themselves into oblivion while trying to get with any girl who will have them. They've also had more life experiences that have taught them how to handle a woman properly and how to use their brain getting thus good conversation. So theres my stint on men and relationships, complicated as they are. The key boys: use your brains, much better shot of getting with a woman if you act like you have a brain and know how to use it. lol
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Close
My bus this morning was ten minutes late so of course I missed my second bus and thus my first class. grr. What a way to start the day. So I got off the first bus and approached some guy at the center and asked if it had passed yet. He said I had just missed it to which I replied with a rather loud, fuck! So we started chatting; apparently he's seen me riding a lot. It was nice, I didn't feel he was really hitting on me, just being friendly. Turns out he's fresh out of prison. (go figure!) He was in for 6 years for drugs to which my reply was: well that was stupid. So we kind of chatted about him trying to get his life together and the real desire to stay out of prison. He told me he was surprised I didn't like jump back or act all surprised by the word "prison." I thought about it and realized on the inside I did a slight recoil but after hearing he was in for drugs it was more like whatever. I take care of myself, he's not my type (regardless of prison time) and it was nice just chatting. I told him it would be pointless to recoil, he was obviously an idiot and he payed for it. I'm wonderfully blunt with people. lol So I'm sure I'll see him around again and we'll chat; he was nice, certainly not bf material but cool to talk to while waiting for the bus.
I do actually have a boy I'm interested in and is interested in me as well. We also went to high school together only he was 2 years ahead of me. He's a bit of a wild child and getting his life together finally. Sometimes he'll talk with me and he's kind of wild and crazy but then other times he's very sentimental and will say some of the sweetest things. Of course I can give it right back to him so that's hardly a concern. ;)
I've also decided to do corporate law; I think I have a better chance at finding a job than with international law which is my first passion. I will more than likely stay at my current university and enter their law program which is quite good actually. I wanted to get out but with no money and a young son, it would make more sense for me to stay here. So I'm slowly getting my own life back on track. I'm so close to graduating it's driving me crazy; it's just those last classes I'm trying to line up and they're being a pain in the ass. Still...I'm close!
I do actually have a boy I'm interested in and is interested in me as well. We also went to high school together only he was 2 years ahead of me. He's a bit of a wild child and getting his life together finally. Sometimes he'll talk with me and he's kind of wild and crazy but then other times he's very sentimental and will say some of the sweetest things. Of course I can give it right back to him so that's hardly a concern. ;)
I've also decided to do corporate law; I think I have a better chance at finding a job than with international law which is my first passion. I will more than likely stay at my current university and enter their law program which is quite good actually. I wanted to get out but with no money and a young son, it would make more sense for me to stay here. So I'm slowly getting my own life back on track. I'm so close to graduating it's driving me crazy; it's just those last classes I'm trying to line up and they're being a pain in the ass. Still...I'm close!
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