Stimulation

So I am sitting on the bus and thankfully, TANK has been wonderful enough to make most of the busses wireless accessible. Woo hoo, now on the hour long bus ride I can check email, update the blog and even harass any of my friends that might be online this early in the morning. :)

As I sit with my coffee sloshing around in my stomach I realized I should have brought something to eat because a long bus ride coupled with two cups of coffee and no food does not mix well. Oh well, that's what music blasting in my ear is for, good distraction. A long bus ride also gives me time to ponder things floating around in my brain that I either have no time normally to ponder or choose not to until such a time as this.

I have been thinking about relationships and doing a bit of self analyzing. My mom was a psychology major in undergrad and while she has done finance for a living she is still quite gifted in seeing the hidden sides of people, oftentimes seeing things that individual does not even see. She mentioned something to me which I had never really considered before. She said I am perfectly capable being on my own, I'm not the needy type, but when I find someone I like I am apt to fall head over heels and give them my all. That doesn't mean I'm off to marry them, just that I let my emotions run amuck and don't keep them in check. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. I do tend to see the best in people and oftentimes need to tell myself to get a grip and really look at someone for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

For instance, this friend of mine who I've been interested in is nice enough but as I step back and look at who he is as an individual and also as he relates to me, I'm seeing we're probably not the best match. He is young (although older than me) and still a bit stuck in the teenage years of partying and trying to get his life together. I've realized we lack what I crave in a relationship: good conversation. I like sex just as much as the next girl (or maybe more so) and I'm sure he'd be great but if I don't have that mental connection with someone, my interest in them fades quickly. So when his messages to me are usually dominated by his horniness or lack of sex, I am quick to be distracted and quit talking. Last time he messaged me with that, I was busy, really not in the mood and just replied with a "uh huh." He didn't like that. At all. He just said fine, be that way and quit talking. We haven't talked since and honestly, it doesn't bother me. He says he likes me but if he's thinking fuck buddy liking, then he's going to be sorely disappointed. So if he wants me in any form he's going to have to work hard to get his act together because I'm not just hanging around for him.

I have another friend who is similar to him in the sex regard though I'm not sure how he'd be in the sack. I have no issues with my male friends telling me all about their sex lives, a lot of them come to me for advice on how to deal with their girlfriends or just women in general because they all know I am very easy to talk to and am surprised by nothing. So when this friend randomly says he's horny it's like ok. However, when he is constantly saying that and asking when we're going to get together or how I'm the woman of his dreams, it drives me bloody insane. I've tried telling him over and over that we're just friends and will remain that way, I have no interest in him beyond that. It just doesn't seem to be sinking in though. So now I'm at the point that I just don't want to talk to him and often avoid him because I'm tired of the same sex dominated conversations. He doesn't have any real goals and cannot handle me intellectually so my relationship interest in him is zero.

The only one who has been able to handle me intellectually and physically remains only a friend. While I had wanted more it came to the sad reality that we just won't work and will remain friends. I'm happy to have him as one of my best friends and of course have my memories of when we were actually together as a couple.

Then a close family friend, who is the closest I've had to a father, will sometimes talk with me about relationships and says you know Leah, you'll find someone, don't settle. I know that and I think he worries that I think no one will want me because I have a kid and I'll settle for some idiot. Really though I don't worry about that very much. I know what I want in life and while I'd like to have a partner, I will not settle for a bloody idiot. I've had plenty of them around that if I wanted to settle I could but they all lack that ability to stimulate me mentally.

So I'll stick with my eye candy of which I'm able to pick out fairly easily. It's funny, in high school it was always like, ignore the boys because they're idiots and wait till you get to college when they're supposed to be older and more mature. I've come to realize that college is essentially a bigger high school. Boys still chase the girls while the girls play hard to get. The boys are all horny and everyone is still trying to figure out what to do in life. I think that's why I prefer older guys; they're typically past wanting to party and drink themselves into oblivion while trying to get with any girl who will have them. They've also had more life experiences that have taught them how to handle a woman properly and how to use their brain getting thus good conversation. So theres my stint on men and relationships, complicated as they are. The key boys: use your brains, much better shot of getting with a woman if you act like you have a brain and know how to use it. lol