Average...or Above Average?

Parents will always tell their kids that they are so smart, above average, able to do anything they want. Parents say that because they love their kids, it wouldn't be very nice to look a little kid in the eye and say, "No, you're not that smart, you're average and won't get to be an astronaut." That would be mean so instead they tell the child that he is smart and if he wants to be an astronaut then by god, he can do it. But what happens when someone's child really is just average? Does that make them stupid? No, it means they are average, they get by but are nothing extrodinary to the outside viewer. So I have to wonder why society puts all this emphasis on being "above average". There wouldn't be an "above average" without just the average person. Everyone strives to be one of the elite AA people but the truth is that not everyone makes it.

Now, I have always been told I am above average. I have a lot of talent, smarter than you're average Joe. My mother put this ungodly burden on my shoulders by telling me I had to get a 3.5 this quarter or she was pulling me out of school. So she rambled on about how if I just worked hard it wouldn't be any problem. I not so gently reminded her that I take arabic, it is not an easy language and I cannot guarantee such a high average while trying to figure that thing into my other classes. She just gave me the 2-year old talk about being so smart, graduating early, being 17 and nearly finished with my freshman year of college, blah blah blah. As she was going on I started contemplating all of these things. I was in 5th grade when I took the test to get into my high school. The kids I went to school with seemed like idiots to me. I was made to learn all of my multiplication tables in one week in the first grade, I was reading at a 4th grade level at the same time. So by 5th, I was in pretty good shape. The other kids were always asking me to solve their math or reading problems while I sat there and played with that stupid geo-globe for lack of anything else to do. So I was always told I was incredibly smart and deserved to begin my high school career at 12. However, when I got there, it was no picnic. I had to work my ass off trying to learn latin and going from multiplication to algebra. Yeah, that was an adventure. Anyways I worked my ass off and graduated. But I didn't really consider myself to be extraordinary, it was just high school and you keep moving through. So as my mom was babbling about me being smart I said to her, "What if I'm not that smart? What if I'm just average?" Well, she didn't really respond to that, she just said I'm smart again. Blah. I really think I was above average as a young kid but that doesn't stay around forever. People caught up with me, it just took a little while longer. So now, I am the same as everyone else but I don't think thats such a bad thing...average is just that average. Not good, not bad, just simply...average.

The Show: St. Clairsville

Another weekend means partying, drinking, and having horrible hangovers. Well, that may be a lot of people's weekends but my weekend "partying" ivolves hundreds of dogs, loads of gay men in suits, and women that think they are the queen of the universe. If you guessed dog show, you are correct. 8 dogs packed in the back of the jeep and a 2 hour hour drive...well 4 for my mom. Oh and the best part? It was outside...it had been raining so everything was wet and muddy and mom and I certainly weren't equipped for that fashion wise.

We were in our traditional showing clothes which are made for the moderate temperatures of the indoors. We had long skirts, nice short sleeve shirts and dressy sandals. For an inside show that look always works, it is nice enough to go into a ring but casusal enough so we don't feel uncomfortable. This wonderful show was outside on some fairground in 52 degree weather and puddles in the middle of the ring that I of course stepped in, covering my foot and sandal in muddy water. Good news is that we had all 5 Affens entered in the show so we had to win everything. Theres a mad dash trying to switch off dogs in between, thats always fun. The judge was nice though and understood when our poor unsocialized little pups pulled away as he examined their heads. It was sort of amusing as he was examing Ziggy which I happened to be showing...every time the judge has to put their hands underneath to make sure both testicles are intact...when the judge did that he suddenly looked up at me and said, "Oh, he pulled up!" I almost burst out laughing. When a male dog feels something cold (as the judge's hands were) he will tighten up his testicles but since Ziggy's are still small he can pull them up almost into his entire body. I found that amusing...poor little Ziggy. So Georgie actually beat his brother which was pleasantly surprising, we got Faye's and Rosie's numbers confused so Rosie should have won but Faye got the point...oh well. There's the show...dogs were good, weather sucked.

lmao

Oh I love stupid people, they can really make my day at times. Granted I sometimes want to hit them so hard their head flys off their soldiers, but othertimes I love to sit back and laugh. My best insult has come from a 40 year old Italian dish, Freddy. He called me infidel American scum, I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. I remeber being in France and totally lost in the airport because I couldn't get my ticket and all these French people looking at me and whispering "oh mon deu, american..." That was embarassing at first but then just irritating. It was fun though when I would go up to them and ask them somthing in French and they would give me this look like oh god, she knows something of French.

However, I have never been insulted by a food dish. I may have insulted plenty of dishes that I've tasted but never had one return the love. So I guess I just wanted to share this amusement. See Freddy, you didn't know what you were getting into did you? You insult my blog and I get to insult you to the world. If you don't agree with me, thats fine, you can state that but if you insult me, it's just asking me to rip you up one side and down the other. I can be one of the nicest people you'll ever meet but I can also be one of the scariest and nastiest you'll ever meet. So, one has to think about that before taking me on. I have a horrible temper and this desire to rip people apart that come after me in a way I don't like. Yes I am cruel and merciless when I am like that and frankly don't give a damn. So dearest Freddy, thank you for giving me some entertainment for the day but part of me still wants to hurt you, after all maybe I should live up to your American scum comment. At least when you have your alfredo ass kicked by a 17 year old American girl you'll have some bearings to say American scum. America walks all over Italy's ass in intelligence, military, and overall economy. Eat that.

vent

Arabic is evil...how did this language even come into existence? Thats what I really wonder...why not make it simple, no adding bizarre diacratical marks, changing patterns, adding random letters while removing others...its irritating. Granted, I knew I would have to work my ass off but damn this is hard. I miss normal languages like french and german. I'm already losing both of them, I miss not being able to strike up a detailed german conversation with my mom or friends over in Germany, I miss not being able to talk to my friends in France in a decent french conversation. Arabic keeps getting riddled in there and I'm not always sure where. I sit there like, yeah thats french, wait no its not, french wouldnt have such bizarre letter placements. So arabic is taking over my very being and I still despise it...thats sad.

My roommate and I are going to go see the movie "Stick It" tonight. It'll prolly be one of those teeny-bop movies but it looks funny so we'll see. Now I am playing "Shake" by the Ying Yang Twins and Pit Bull, it's been stuck in my mind for no apparent reason...again. Lot on my mind today, I am a very indecisive person at times. Sad but true.

Time Flies

I'ts amazing how fast time flies. I went home this weekend to attend my best friend's graduation. There were 20 in her class and she got to wear the cap and gown and all that jazz. I remember meeting her for the first time in 4th grade. She was so shy and sat all alone at the lunch table. When a bunch of us girls went over and sat with her she gave us this look like "are you going to kill me?" It was amusing but that shy girl became my best friend. We had a lot fun together and her family had a party back at the house. I met everyone from the family and beat an 11 year old at pool. Wow he was annoying...

So the doggies and I had a nice weekend...minus the puppies crapping everywhere and needing to bathe all 4 of them plus Daisy who crapped all over her crate the next day. So yeah, they are all clean and will hopefully ramain that way. Meleesa then drove me home this afternoon and we had a nice time talking. Our room was a mess, Jill had friends over and dear god it wasn't pretty. Plus she said she had already cleaned up some...yeah I'm glad I wasn't here. So now theres the usual night...arabic cramming, Friends DVDs, and chatting online.

Run Run Run

Today has been one hell of a long day. I got up late for class, considered not going but got up anyways because I knew I'd feel too guilty to go back to sleep. Woke up at 10:14, supposed to be in class at 10:30. Yup, I was racing around a bit like a madwoman. I'm half falling out of bed, clothes are flying off as I'm getting my other ones on, racing down the hall while trying to put on my jacket, put my hair up, and hold on to my purse and arabic book. I think that is my new record for getting up, out, and wherever I need to be on time. I don't recommend trying to set such records but I do it so often I need something to brag about... :)

My best friend picked me up, had lunch, and then we drove home. This was her first long distance drive so she felt rather proud of herself for making it. I was proud too, go Brandi! It was nice to sit and talk with her, I blabbered on about so many random things, poor girl had to sit and listen to me. But hey, she knows me well enough, she could say i was annoying and to just shut the hell up and it wouldn't bother me. I came home to clean dogs, that was a blessing. Josie threw up in her crate but it was on her blanket so all was good. I think theres a bug going around the house, the puppis had it, Daisy just had it and now Jo.

I watched an Indian film tonight called Dil Se with my two Lochens Pia and Liesl. They were happy just to sit there with me while I pet them. My mom bought the movie for like 50 bucks cuz she couldn't find it anywhere but she raved that it was really good. A friend of mine had actually said he didn't think it was that great save a few scenes and I have to say I agree with him there. The song/dance parts were really cool but the story line and acting just didn't do it for me. The movie ended and I was like, "Thats it?!?! What? That can't be the end! How stupid!!" So yeah the dogs looked at me funny and I thought I just wasted an entire evening. I recommend that if someone has the opportunity to watch it, watch just the song/dance scenes and that's it, they really won't be missing much else. I'm craving some good Indian food and poker...ah good times. :)

Back to the Basics

For all those who read my blog...sorry for mindless rantings of "woe is me". I realized I was acting like an idiot 17 year old that wouldn't shut up. :)

Well now the girls and I are watching Friends, doing homework...the usual routine. I have a poli sci exam tomorrow and then a math exam the next morning. yay I have an unusual amount of energy yet feel exhausted at the same time...bit of a cliche right? I don't know...I'm charged on caffeine and god knows what else. I got exciting news today, my best friend Brandi is actually coming to pick me up this weekend. I haven't seen her in a while so it'll be nice to catch up. The weather was so nice today I was in my little skort thingie, short sleeves, and sandals and I didn't freeze! My arabic class was also canceled this morning so it's been a decent day from those aspects. Well at the moment I really feel like shit and I really really need to study. Oh yes I'm also blaring "Memory" by Sugarcult. Really good song if ur in the mood for something music wise.

My Bad

A quote was once said by someone dear to my heart, "Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss...and then...ends with a teardrop."

Love is that way. That doesn't mean the love wasn't real. That doesn't mean love should never be had. Love is both the most beautiful thing and the most heartwrenching thing to be had.

When someone loves you then do not walk all over you intentionally, they do not try to crush your heart. Sometimes it will happen but that does not mean there was never love. When a heart is crushed, pieces fall but that is not because love didn't exist. A mended heart is never as good as new, but a mended heart will carry on while a broken one will forever lay in the dust of old memories. Yet still...love is not lost.

One has to keep believing in this love, even when harsh things happen. Life is not life without love. It would be a meaningless existense if everyone just gave up on love, sat down and declared it was no longer worth it....Keep these things in mind.

Loss

When a child loses their favorite toy they feel as if the world has ended
That is until they find a different toy and the previous one is forgotten

When a dog's bone is taken away it gives a puzzled look
Then it runs away to find something better

When someone's food tastes bad its thrown out
Then they go find something that tastes good

When a student writes a poor paper its crumpled and thrown in the trash
Then they go on to write something better.

Each of these things is a loss until something better is found just minutes later.

Yet with a heart something better doesn't come minutes later.
With a heart you have to search for all the little pieces that flew about when it was broken.
With a heart you feel the good and the bad... with the two pulling at opposite ends.

A heart knows what the mind does not.
It can feel love even when the mind tries to command it to stop.
A heart can feel pain even when the mind commands it to move on.
A heart is it's own mind...independent from the brain or anything else in the body.

Know that I am still searching for my tiny pieces
I am still playing tug-of-war
I am still feeling that sensation of warmth from love
Yet I am still feeling that sensation of ice from pain

Give me time...I will be fine and I know you will be too.
I always said life moves on with me or without me
Maybe life does...mine is in pause right now without you...but it will start again.
Be strong, do what you need to do, and know I will always be here if you need me.

France Story #4: The Restaurant

Yes this is the last installment of the French stories and coming a bit late...

While there Francoise decided that JP, Pauline, and I were all going to go to a nice French restaurant. I had this cute pink dress with red flowers all over it that I believe I actually bought there. I don't remember the name of the restaurant but it was a seafood place that sat right on the edge of the sea. We sat down at a table and I opened the menu. It was full of seafood all in French so of course I was totally lost. Francoise told me not to worry, the guys would explain it in a bit. The waiter came by and asked in French what we would like to drink and I told him water. He then proceeded to babble something in French while I sat there looking like a doe in the headlights. Francoise gave an equally uncomprehensive reply. She then looked at me and explained that he had asked if we would rather just order the main dish or if we would rather have all the appetizers and then the dish. She said it was actually cheaper and a better experience to go through all the courses.

While the waiter was getting our drinks two buff guys walk out into the room carrying a huge basket containing about 25 or 30 fish arranged in a circle. (yes the full fish, huge) The waiter came back with the drinks and proceeded to explain in French what the different types of fish were. Francoise then informed him that I was American and really didn't know that much French. He then sort of sighed and went through the whole process again in English. Well, by time he got to the last fish I had practically forgotten what the ones in the beginning were called. So he said hed give us a minute and walked away, the two guys struggling with the basket followed after him. I told Francoise I couldn't remember all of them so she was trying to go back through them with me and explain sort of what they were. Within 2 minutes the guy was back to take our orders. Everyone else told him what they wanted and when he got to me I confessed that I had forgotten and wasnt sure. He gave me this look like "typical American" and shouted for the two men to come back. They brought the basket back and he asked me if I would rather him go through all of it again which I could tell he didn't want to. There was a rather interesting fish in the middle of the basket, bright red, big eyes and four sharp teeth protruding from its mouth. I saw that and thought it looked interesting so I told him I would have that. He said it was Red Snapper, a good choice, though I think at that point anything would have been a good choice just so he could leave.

We were only sitting there for maybe 5 minutes when the first appetizer was brought out. A nice medium sized plate was placed before me with just a fish laying on it. A whole fish, not cooked, beady eyes staring at me, and I was handed a large knife type thing. I looked at Francoise and asked "what is it? do i eat it?" She was like oh yes, in english its...oh what do you call it? raw fish...anchovie?" I nodded and knew right away I would hate it. I boldly pick up the knife because I will try absolutely anything once. I looked at the fish trying to figure out the best way to cut it. Should I cut the head off first? Do I slit downwards through the stomach? Can I possibly do this without having to just grab the lifeless body? JP then taps my arm and says "la" (la is the easiest word in french, you can have a whole converstation with it, it can mean here, there, ok, not ok, I agree/disagree, thats amazing, thats sad...blah blah blah) He sort of picks up part of his fish, takes the huge knife and jabs it into the belly of the fish and slices downwards. He motions me to do the same so I pick my own knife and try to cut the fish. I was having difficulties and couldn't seem to pierce the fish with the bizarre knife I wasnt sure how to handle. JP just pushes his fish to me and takes mine, immediatly slicing it and digging in for the flesh. I follow example and take my fork, opening up the fish to get at the inside. It was very bloody and the flesh was sort of arrainged in two neat little rows. I thought oh my gosh its going to be bloody and disgusting, Im going to puke. So what do I do? I smile and take a bight. Oh dear lord it was awful. It was like taking a bight out of my finger and sucking the blood out of it. It was bloody and mushy and just *shudder*. I took a drink of water and quickly swallowed, smiling at everyone at the table as they gobbled theirs down. JP asked if I liked it and I responded that it was ok but I didn't care much for it. He said that was ok and he would take it. I gladly handed him my plate and prayed that not all the courses would be like this.

After that dish, the next was brought out. It was a two tiered structure with clams on the bottom and shrimp on the top one. Well first of all, I don't like clams, they are slimy and bad tasting. Shrimp I am very fond of. However, we are in France and there is a belief at this restaurant that everything should be as whole as possible and be able to stare at you until you eat it. All the shrimp were still intact, little heads and legs, eyes looking at you, bodies curled around. That was a bit strange but you just have to grab one, pop the head off, and pull off the rest of the body to expose the flesh. (sounds barbaric doesn't it?) It didn't quite taste like shrimp we have here in the US but it was close enough so I had some of those. When we finished that I could feel my stomach getting a little queezy, probably asking what the heck I was doing to it. The next thing that was brought out was a big dish piled with what looked like french fries. I was like yes! real food! Oh I was so wrong...what looked like french fries were actually small fried fish. And, once again, little black eyes were staring at you. Francoise was like "Aren't they cute? It's the whole little fish, just like a french fry!" I sat there thinking, no french fry I have ever seen has had scales, fins, and eyes looking at me as I crunched on it. The idea of eating the whole fish (especially after that first course) was rather nauseating so I just told Francoise that I didn't want to get too full before the dinner came. Pauline, Francoise, and JP finished off the plate clean and the final dish came out. This was a soup with different kinds of fish and lobster in it. The good thing? There were no eyes staring at me as I fully expected. I figured this must be decent and took a spoonful. That is perhaps the best soup I have ever tasted. It was so creamy and didn't taste overly fishy. Oh my goodness I was in heaven (as was my stomach...yes something normal!) and I finished it rather quickly. After that was finished the waiter cleared the table and we sat for a while waiting for the main course. Francoise asked how I liked everything and wasnt that a deal to get everything. I said yes it was good, especially the soup. Then the waiter appeared with our plates and the conversation died down.

As you will recall, I ordered the Red Snapper because it looked interesting so I'll admit I was a little hesitant as to what it would taste like. I take a small bite and discover it is positivly delicious. It was perfectly done, had a light flavor, and a cream sauce over it that could just melt in your mouth. It is the best fish I have ever had...even to this day. The only downfall to it was that it still had the bones in it which were so tiny they were often hard to see. Id take a bite only to crunch down on something outragiously hard or it would just stab me in the cheek. That set a side it was still fabulous. If we had a chef that could cook that somewhere over here, I would like move so I could eat that all the time. I sat there thinking that obviously the main courses are fabulous because they are all cooked and there are no eyes to stare back at you. I wish we had just ordered the main course rather than all of the appatizers but then I wouldn't have anything to write about would I? The only dish I have had here in the States that compared to the French Red Snapper was at a restaurant in Atlanta. I ordered the Red Snapper because I knew I would like the fish in general. That restaurant was so very close to the French one. I might even go so far as to say they tasted equally well...I think I need to have both again before I can honestly say. :)