Dream

I had the strangest dream the other night. I'm not even sure where it came from. We were in some sort of cabin, with another friend. Upon entering, there were two small steps that led down into a small sort of living room. It was very open, there was a couch and a chair. Going towards the back was a bedroom, I'm assuming the kitchen as well. It reminded me a lot of my Gramma's house actually, just a lot more open, bright, and only slightly different layout.

We all woke up early, I want to say to go skiing, though why I'm not sure, I've never been skiing in my life. I was leaning against the couch, the other friend in the kitchen, and you came from around back. You were mad about something but wouldn't tell me what. You said something, I can't remember exactly, but I started to cry and sat down on the couch. Our friend looked awkward and eventually went away. You made fun of me then and I became angry, jumping up and about ready to smack you. ( Im slightly violent, what can I say?) We started yelling about who hurt who, who did what, and why we didn't like the other person. And then something unexpected happened, we kissed. It was kind of like the movies where you have the quarrelling lovers and then it's just the rough kiss that says I can't stand you and I love you all at once. That's when I remembered what it was like, before the fighting, before the name calling, before any of that. And of course, being a girl, I started to cry again. lol You simply wiped away a tear, gave me one last look, and then walked out the door. I was left leaning against the wall wondering what the heck had just happened. The friend came back out, took one look at me, glanced out the door where you had gone, then walked out the door after you. I just sat there trying to sort out my own poor little brain and decide what to do next. Then I woke up.

So where did I come up with all of this?? lol So many things come from random parts of my life, my Gramma's house, my friend told me he was going to go skiing and wanted me to come along so theres that aspect, so much of it was familiar and yet I don't know why I had it. Even now as I ponder it, parts of it make sense, but they shouldn't. I shouldn't care about road trips and skiing, fighting and my Gramma's house, I don't know where I get it. Too much stress maybe? Of course while Im averaging 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night, maybe it's taking a toll on my brain. lol

Yay!

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in a long time. You know, some days are decent, some plain suck, but yesterday was just plain good. I woke up late in the morning, I thought I had set my alarm (which I did) but I must have turned it off while I was still half asleep and didn't even realize it. So at 6:15 my mom yells up the stairs to see if I'm up. I looked at the clock, said a swear word, and jumped out of bed. I was very proud of myself though, I still managed to walk out the door at the usual time of 6:40. That is one of the fastest times I've gotten myself together, considering all the stuff I have to do in the morning.

So I made it to school, did my german homework, and still had time to just sit around. I went to history, almost stayed awake through the entire movie on the Pilgrims *snore* so I only missed maybe the last 5 or 10 minutes. As I was packing up my stuff and getting ready to head out, I was talking with my teacher and this other guy from the class. Katya (the teacher) decided to drop the midterm because apparently a lot of people in the department were having timing problems so some decided to either reschedule the midterm or drop it all together. The class as a whole decided to drop the midterm and she'd use the grades from our two quizes, paper, and first test, calculate all of those together and that would be our grade for the "midterm". She said we would do another test later but it wouldn't be over so much material, thank God. So as we were all talking she asked me what I thought about the whole midterm idea. I told her I thought it was a good plan, I just hoped we all did well enough on our test and paper for it since we didn't have those grades back yet. She just sort of laughed and told me not to worry, I had did very very well on both my paper and my test. She said, oh you definitely have an A in the class. I was like, oh that makes me so happy I could give you a hug! She laughed and said ok, give me a hug. She's also my arabic teacher, a tiny Algerian woman, and a total sweetheart so we're pretty good friends.

I made it through econ and stayed awake which surprised me seeing as I'm always on the brink of falling asleep in that class. lol Then in arabic I had been stressed because we were supposed to have a sort of oral quiz in class. At OSU that was completely nerve wracking for me. Ghassan (my teacher) would sit down across from you at a table and just ask you a billion questions. Don't get me wrong, he was a very nice teacher and I liked him a lot, but the class was difficult and I had troubles keeping up so sitting across from him with all the questions aimed right at me, was difficult. Orals here were nothing like that, at all. The four of us from class just sat at our table and we all had our papers out and she just told us to talk to each other about the airport and passport crap which was what we had been working on. I thought she'd make us put all of our stuff away, ask a certain number of questions, talk for so long, etc. No, she let us have everything out so if we had to look at a word for something, it was no big deal. So I loved that, I felt totally comfortable and also dominated the conversation. I had to help the other 3 out a lot with vocab because they wouldn't understand a lot of the questions, especially ones I would ask. I think it's just because I am more comfortable with the language than they are so I talk faster with it and also my accent is better. So I'm sure Katya could hear me helping them along but she was just going about the room, getting things together, looking at papers, whatever she felt like doing. So I felt I did pretty well at the end of the conversation. I only messed one part up, I decided to switch up the dull conversation at one point. She was asking us where we were from and everyone was saying America so I decided to say I was from Yemen. She said, oh, well then your arabic must be very very good. I told her no I only knew a litle bit. So I had said I was born there but then said my mom was from America and my dad was from Canada. So I was confusing my vocab and didn't know how to say what I wanted so I had to switch the story around a little bit and say I was born there but I grew up in America, hence the lack of arabic knowledge. When it was all said and done she was laughing and said I sort of dug myself into a hole with that one. I laughed and told her I couldn't find the vocab I wanted so then yeah, I got stuck. Still, I think I'll get a good grade.

So then I was really tired (4.5 hours of sleep is not enough) so I decided to get a cup of coffee to wake me up before german. The coffee was good, but it put me right to sleep, go figure. But I had a nice nap, on and off, for about an hour. German went well, she called on me right away and asked me when my birthday was. Luckily I had just reviewed minutes before how to properly say that in a sentence with all the right endings. (I always mess up when to have a t or when not to have a t, and maybe theres the exception where you have to add en at the end, blah blah blah.) So I told her when it was, she just kind of looked at me and I thought, oh god, I said it wrong, she's going to kill me. Then she just sort of smiled and said, prima (like excellent) and moved on. The rest of class was funny as people kept screwing up random sentences. Michael tried to say he ate a cake on his birthday but got his vocab confused and accidentally said he ate a kitchen on his birthday. Lots of stuff like that, it was definitely amusing.

Then in the evening I got to see my baby, Matt. He'd just gotten off work so he decided to stop by for a couple hours. Mom had to go to Louisville to catch a flight to Texas. She took our two little puppies to their new home down there. I was talking to her this morning and she said they absolutely adored both of them. :) So that was my day! (not quite in a nutshell i know lol) Today is a bit more boring, just studying econ for my test on monday. oh goody...

Back Home

I was finally able to go back to Columbus for a weekend to see my old roommate and friends from OSU. It's a strange feeling, that place feels as much like home as my home does down here in Cinci. I had so many experiences while I was there and made so many friends. Some I don't mind losing, others I hate to lose, and the rest I know I will never lose. It was strange though walking into my old room and seeing someone else's things where mine used to be. I found a couple times I would actually get up to look for something, only to realize my stuff wasn't there. It was nice though sitting down again and playing cards with Jess and Toast, doing the late night burrito run, walking around campus; I miss all of that so much. Then it was even worse to be there and having all my friends from the hall ask when I was coming back and was I only taking the year off. It was hard to look at them all and say no, I'm not coming back, not until grad school at least. lol

So the weekend went by all too fast and now Im stuck here again. My next big thing to look forward to is spring break. Hopefully, I'm going to go to Florida with my boyfriend and possibly some other friends of his. As of now the plans are good but who knows what may come up down the line.

Happy V-Day!!

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!!!!

I hope everyone has had/is having an aswome time. I have a good cheesecake recipe here you might like to make for your loved one. It might sounds strange, but it tastes absolutely delicious!

Half & Half Cheesecake

preheat oven to 350

have on hand 1 unbaked (8 inch) graham cracker crust

Blend in a blender or food processor until smooth and creamy:

-1/2 pound tofu (i recommend the soft kind, it blends easiest)
-8 ounces of cream cheese
-1 cup of sugar
-2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (about the juice from one normal sized lemon, fresh squeezed, is good)
-1 teaspoon of vanilla
-pinch of salt

Pour into pie shell and bake for about 45 minutes.

It has a total protein of 3 grams so now you can say you're still eating healthy. :P It might seem strange putting tofu in a cheesecake but you don't even taste it. I think it's absolutely delicious and it should be tried at least once. If you don't like it, then you know to never make it again. I got the recipe from this awsome book called Tofu Quick & Easy (revised edition) by Louise Hagler. I have had several of dishes from there and they all have been really good. It has everything from breakfast to salads, dips and spreads to soup, main course to dessert. So that's my best friend in the kitchen, anyone who is vegetarian or vegan should seriously look into getting that book!

Friendship

What is friendship?
Are there set guidelines, you know, you have to talk to someone at least 3 times a week and know what their favorite color is?
Does that make you a friend?

Or does a friend know how to make you smile.
How to make you laugh.
How to brighten your day with the simplest words.

Does a friend have to call every other day?
Do the conversations have to last at least 5 minutes?

Or can a friends talk maybe once a week and still be fine?
Can friends go a couple months and still say they're fine?
I know friends that have, and feelings were never lost.
Friends from high school that I don't talk to often doesn't mean I've forgotten them.
Doesn't mean I don't still think about them or wonder how they are.
Friends are not so easily forgotten.
If they are...then they were never truly friends.

Do real friends say things to intentionally hurt the other?
Do real friends push another away when they try to straighten things out?
Do real friends claim to feel one way, when in fact they feel the complete opposite?
Do real friends insult those they claim to have cared for most?

I think not. All friends have their good times and bad, but in the end, it all boils down to one simple ingredient: friendship. Friendship is never truly lost...unless they were never really friends. So why is it that my heart breaks over someone who was never truly my friend??

RE:

I've come to realize blogs can be an easier way to communicate with people rather than email or phone. So I have a few things I feel the need to discuss, Im sure plenty of people can relate. So now heres the big question... why are girls so damn difficult?! lol

We have our ups and downs and our run of emotions but don't guys as well? Isn't that just part of human nature? Perhaps women just show it more. So because it's my blog Im going to talk about myself here as an example. I can be hostile and fiercely independent. Why? Well, the hostile part Im not exactly sure about, I stole those words from another person. :P So, background check here, I was raised by a single mother and that is where I get my independence. I was taught to make the best of myself and not rely on anyone. I don't see that as closing myself in a little shell or being antisocial, I just know what I want and how I want it. Is that really such a bad thing? When I feel I have to depend on someone, it makes me feel weak. I know I probably just got a few really weird looks by some readers, but it's just my opinion. Does that mean my opinion applies to everyone? Of course not, that is just how I feel about myself. Another example: Just the other day my mom and I were talking about the few weeks leading up to my Gramma's death. She said at one point my Gramma was having such difficulties feeding herself that my mom took the spoon and attempted to feed her. She got so mad and yelled at her, telling her that she can feed herself. Mom was somewhat hurt as she was only trying to help. I told her that while the thought was nice, I completely agreed. I would never be fed by my child, if I had any means of doing it myself, I would, even if I got a little sloppy and it took me longer to eat. She said she didn't understand why, I told her it was probably just pride. I have a lot of it and sometimes have to watch how much I let loose. So theres my hostility and independence.

Other times I can seem passive, dependent, and feminine. I like to think Im feminine all the time whether Im hostile and independent or passive and dependent. What do you think, is it possible? Anyways! I can seem those ways when I am around people I trust and care about. Dependence still doesn't sound good in my head but Im sure I have it occassionally. I have even noticed that I am a different person from when I am out in the "real world" versus when I am at home. When Im outside of my home, I have to look good, act like I've got it all together, and go on like nothing ever bothers me. Why you ask? No particular reason, thats just me. It's when I come home that I don't care if I have circles under my eyes or if my hairs a mess. I don't care if I have to break down in tears just to get everything out thats been building up. At home I am my most relaxed, my happiest. Well when Mom and I are in the midst of some huge fight, Im not exactly happy or relaxed, but we've all had those times! I imagine I cannot be the only girl like this out there. Or for that matter, Im sure there are plenty of men like this too. My mood, my body language, my appearance, everything changes depending where I am and who I am with. When someone sees me cry, they have seen everything. They know so much about me and I trust them completely. I wouldn't let just anyone see me at my weakest moment. So I think it is completely normal to have so many emotions and sides to yourself, it's what give us demention, it's what makes us human. So I am a little bit of all these things, rolled up into one. The only thing though, is deciding how much is added in the mix. Maybe I have too much aggression for one, too much dependency *shudder* for another. It all depends on the oppossing person. So theres my bit of psychoanalysis and hopefully other people can relate! :)

Gone!

I finally cut my hair!!!! I've been growing it out for 2 years, only had a couple trims to even out the ends but thats been it. Then my mom was going in to get her hair cut and Phyllis is the lady we always go to. She had cut my hair two years ago and from that I let it grow out. She was impressed how long it was and I told her I wanted to grow it a little longer so I could donate it to Locks of Love. She said she thought it was already long enough so she got out the ruler and measured my ponytail. It was already long enough so I decided to cut it off and go for a short style again. She cut off ten inches and now my hair is really short, about to my chin in the very front and it gets shorter towards the back so it's about at the base of my skull. So I actually like it more than I thought I would, it's definitely a different feeling from having long hair!