RE:

I've come to realize blogs can be an easier way to communicate with people rather than email or phone. So I have a few things I feel the need to discuss, Im sure plenty of people can relate. So now heres the big question... why are girls so damn difficult?! lol

We have our ups and downs and our run of emotions but don't guys as well? Isn't that just part of human nature? Perhaps women just show it more. So because it's my blog Im going to talk about myself here as an example. I can be hostile and fiercely independent. Why? Well, the hostile part Im not exactly sure about, I stole those words from another person. :P So, background check here, I was raised by a single mother and that is where I get my independence. I was taught to make the best of myself and not rely on anyone. I don't see that as closing myself in a little shell or being antisocial, I just know what I want and how I want it. Is that really such a bad thing? When I feel I have to depend on someone, it makes me feel weak. I know I probably just got a few really weird looks by some readers, but it's just my opinion. Does that mean my opinion applies to everyone? Of course not, that is just how I feel about myself. Another example: Just the other day my mom and I were talking about the few weeks leading up to my Gramma's death. She said at one point my Gramma was having such difficulties feeding herself that my mom took the spoon and attempted to feed her. She got so mad and yelled at her, telling her that she can feed herself. Mom was somewhat hurt as she was only trying to help. I told her that while the thought was nice, I completely agreed. I would never be fed by my child, if I had any means of doing it myself, I would, even if I got a little sloppy and it took me longer to eat. She said she didn't understand why, I told her it was probably just pride. I have a lot of it and sometimes have to watch how much I let loose. So theres my hostility and independence.

Other times I can seem passive, dependent, and feminine. I like to think Im feminine all the time whether Im hostile and independent or passive and dependent. What do you think, is it possible? Anyways! I can seem those ways when I am around people I trust and care about. Dependence still doesn't sound good in my head but Im sure I have it occassionally. I have even noticed that I am a different person from when I am out in the "real world" versus when I am at home. When Im outside of my home, I have to look good, act like I've got it all together, and go on like nothing ever bothers me. Why you ask? No particular reason, thats just me. It's when I come home that I don't care if I have circles under my eyes or if my hairs a mess. I don't care if I have to break down in tears just to get everything out thats been building up. At home I am my most relaxed, my happiest. Well when Mom and I are in the midst of some huge fight, Im not exactly happy or relaxed, but we've all had those times! I imagine I cannot be the only girl like this out there. Or for that matter, Im sure there are plenty of men like this too. My mood, my body language, my appearance, everything changes depending where I am and who I am with. When someone sees me cry, they have seen everything. They know so much about me and I trust them completely. I wouldn't let just anyone see me at my weakest moment. So I think it is completely normal to have so many emotions and sides to yourself, it's what give us demention, it's what makes us human. So I am a little bit of all these things, rolled up into one. The only thing though, is deciding how much is added in the mix. Maybe I have too much aggression for one, too much dependency *shudder* for another. It all depends on the oppossing person. So theres my bit of psychoanalysis and hopefully other people can relate! :)