Yes!

Life is good. I checked grades today and actually didn't do too shabby this past semester. Granted, I did fail my stats class but that really didn't surprise me. I was only passing by a few points so I knew if I didn't do really well on the exam, I was screwed. I walked out of there knowing I was screwed so I resigned myself to that fate weeks ago. My law grade was also resting on my final having failed the midterm and gotten an A on the paper. Lucky me though I knew what I was talking about and got a B. :D Now we're just waiting on the lsat scores...those could be interesting. *fingers crossed*

I'm such a stupid girl I think maybe Katy Perry's song fits me better than him. I can't make up my mind; it's like I've given up on the whole situation and then I say well no, and go right back. blah So now here I am again with my mind and heart doing battles with each other and every time my heart wins. Every time. lol

Now mom and I have spent the entire day cleaning and redoing the dining room. We are completely redoing it: paint, wallpaper, rug, everything. It looks really good, at least what we have done so far. Tomorrow we'll finish cleaning and mom will do the cooking for whn Caleb's godparents come over. Should be fun. :)

Exams

Two exams done, one to go. Well, technically two to go but the other one I take at home and then just have to come back on Thursday and turn it in. I think I did well today which I am very happy about. I was more concerned with my law exam than my German exam. Most of the law stuff seemed like common sense but you never know when a teacher is going to send you through a loop. So I was kind of nervous but just told myself I knew what I was talking about, if I thought about it, I should get it. So, I got the exam and there were 4 essays, one was chosen that we had to do, we got to pick which of the other three we wanted to do. I wrote my ten page paper on international humanitarian law and got an A, so I know my stuff there. So I look at the essays and guess whats on there: international law of human rights. It's basically the same thing; I was so happy I could cry. lol Then I thought well I've got one, what about the mandatory one, that's where teachers usually get you. It was on the use of force. That was like all common sense so I was happy all over again. I really think I did well...hopefully anyways. :)

Then German really wasn't too shabby; I remembered my verbs and I think my two essays were decent enough. I was running out of things to say so I just started blabbing. Apparently my sister and I flew to Germany so we could get our nails painted and I could get my bellybutton pierced. Obviously none of it really has to make sense, it just has to show we know the vocab and grammer. Grammer more than anything. So yeah, over all it was a good day. Considering I really didn't prepare for either one, I just told myself I knew it and not to stress out and it worked. :) Now I have statistics for the next exam...there I'm screwed. Im just passing the class right now so this exam could make or break me. That I really will study and I really will stress. Such is life though...just counting down the semesters until I'm out.

The Dark Knight

I just finished watching The Dark Knight and yes, it is as good as everyone is making it out to be. It's creepy but portrays a rather dark, yet realistic, view of humanity. Still there were the bright moments where you realize not everyone is bad and maybe the world isn't going to hell in a hand basket quite as soon as we thought. Good movie...if you haven't seen it yet, go rent it. Go buy it; I want to.

So today was my Gramma's funeral. I put on my black and white dress, black nylons, this black shawl like sweater that I just bought and of course my black heels. Yeah, all day in heels, wandering back and forth and chasing after a one year old...probably not a good idea...no, definitely not a good idea. Yeah, I looked great, all coordinated and whatnot but my feet were killing me at the end of it all...actually my feet still hurt. That's alright, show the fam I'm all grown up, have a child and still look good...so take that. :P Nah, they were alright. My 2nd cousin couldn't believe it; he hadn't seen me since I was a little kid so he recognized my sister but for the longest time couldn't figure out who I was. It was only after my mom and I went over that I was reintroduced and he was like no way... That was amusing. The funeral went well over all; I froze outside while they were putting the coffin in the ground and just sat there shivering. Then we had a luncheon and all the food was really good. So it was pretty much an all day event. I didn't study for geology, I didn't work on my speech exam and I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to be doing in German tomorrow. Lucky me though has long bus rides so I can study on my way to school.

Then this evening I had to go back to school to participate in this study for my speech class; its worth 35 points of my grade so it's kind of important. It was asking all these things about if you've ever been in love, how many times, describe how you and first love met, are you two still in touch, have you ever been in a complicated relationship...blah blah blah. I sat there mildly amused thinking well this is fitting. So I wrote out this long spiel over these questions, one after the other. I've only been in love once so luckily I only had to go through all these once. She wanted different sets done for different people you'd been in love with. Seeing as I didn't have any other comparisons then I didn't have to worry about those sections. It took me an hour, rehashing on paper three years condensed of the time I knew the one that was so important to me. After that I came home, crashed and watched the movie with mom and now I am off to bed. I'll probably get about 4 hours of sleep as usual...

One Hell of a Weekend

Well I wasted my entire day Saturday taking the LSAT. It was only this year that I seriously considered law school. I'd like to go into international law or maybe corporate law. So I payed the 200 bucks (I was late signing up so I had to pay extra...I'm an idiot, I know) and went with a friend to the testing center. We saw one of his friends there...very good looking dude. We'll go liberal and say he was downright hot. lol So of course, my last name is at the front of the alphabet, both of their last names were at the end so I had to go to a different line and then we sat on opposite sides of the room. Grand total, from the time I left my house to the time I came home, I was gone 7 hours. It was one freakin long day.

The test comprised of 5 sections, multiple choice and an essay. Some of it was pretty easy, like the reading section. Essentially, if you can read a couple paragraphs and have some understanding of what was written, you can answer the questions. The logic section was definitely more difficult. Some parts were kind of easy, the answer would make sense, other questions I just had to take a complete stab in the dark. Another section was looking at sort of arguments and analyzing what the one person was saying in relation to the other. The other two sections were pure evil. It would be these arguments or stories and they would have all the answers essentially saying the same thing and you had to try to decide which one fit best. It was like A) most of the marbles are blue B) most of the marbles are red C) most of the marbles are red but some are blue D) most of the marbles are blue but some are red...And of course the question offers no clue, only that you have two different kinds of marbles. I had two sections of that. When I flipped open the next section to see it was those same things all over again I could have cried. I remember sitting there thinking, well, there went my score. lol Who knows though, maybe I'll get lucky.

Then, I come out, we get in the car and I have three messages from my mom. My gramma had died; she was 94. My mom was really upset about it but I actually wasn't. She has wanted to die for many years and she was so old, she could barely feed herself anymore so it was time. She was not young, she was not robbed of her life, she was old and didn't remember anything anymore. So I looked at it and said well, it was time. Poor mom is still upset so I'm really just there to support her.

Mom and I actually didn't fight this weekend, really just because so much was going on and we were both upset about a lot. I had the huge falling out with my now ex-friend on Friday which just tore me to pieces so my mom was really there to support me through that. Then I was gone taking the LSAT Saturday and my gramma died so there was certainly nothing to fight about there. Then Sunday we found out my sister broke up with her boyfriend whom she had been dating for quite a while, really loved and we thought they might get married. He apparently though wasn't taking her seriously and was sort of taking advantage of her. I don't mean like using her, but like, he would only call when he had a minute, like when he was waiting for a bus; she wasn't a priority for him and she deserves better than that. So my sister and I both lost our guys...sort of ironic I suppose. Sunday mom and I went out shopping; I got a few shirts on sale for a great deal then mom and I went home, made somosas and these little cheese rolls, it's brie and a raspberry compote rolled inside fillo dough...it's amazing, from Trader Joe's. So we had those, watching the movie Iron Man (which is really good) and just chilled. She was still upset about gramma, I was still upset the dude, it was just a not so hot weekend. So of course I did absolutely nothing and I have to give a speech this morning (it's part of a group), take a couple German quizes, write my poli sci paper which is due tomorrow and of course I get my law paper back today which I'm still not sure I want. It should be an interesting day...

Therapy

I swear, men and I just don't seem to mix very well. It's like, I find one and I want him but he doesn't want me, or I find one I want, he claims to want me but then acts like an ass, or I find one that wants me and I don't want him. What happened to me finding someone I want who likewise wanted me in the same manner? I must be asking too much.

I honestly thought I had found the last one, maybe with a few quirks, but there nonetheless. Well, shows what I know. lol He reminds me of Katy Perry's song, Hot N Cold. It fits him quite well actually. So we got in a spat, I felt he was hitting on a friend of mine (I don't care what he says, he was...offering to pay for a plane ticket to fly a person down to see you is flirting) so I told him I thought it was interesting to say the least. The weekend he can't come see me he suddenly invites a friend of mine to go see him. Fishy...and I've asked around, I'm not the only one that sees it that way.

So I brought that up, I was direct but not nasty. Damn did he bite my head off. He told me it was none of my business what he was doing. Well that was definitely the wrong response. He could have said I had it all wrong, it wasn't really like that, at least come up with some excuse but saying it was none of my business certainly didn't make it seem any less fishy. Then he referred to me (and my friend) as fucking idiots, really just told me off. All this shit he rants about and then says, "go fuck ur self and go ask her to fuck her as well." Really. I was initially in shock and then started to cry. (I seem to cry a lot with him, pathetic I know.) I would never ever tell someone I cared about to go fuck themselves...ever. I wouldn't even say that to my dogs. Here was someone I was looking at as a potential spouce (I certainly loved him enough to want that) and hes told me that I "bombard him with my American values," told me, "to hell with you and what you think," and now, "go fuck yourself." Seems like it's going from bad to worse doesn't it?

I have a young son and the last thing I want is for him to be around some guy that would say those things to me and probably to him. Once a threshold is crossed then it's like all boundaries become null and void, everything and everyone can be under attack at any given moment. He said that and it's like it became solidified in my mind that we really weren't meant to be together. He then tries to make excuses for his behaviour, essentially that I made him react the way he did. That's a bullshit excuse and he knows it. I'm not even going to reply to that; it's not worth my time. So I've spent the good part of the evening clearing out my tear ducts so they're nice and clean. Now it's really just the closing paragraph: the closing of a close friendship, the closing of a true love, the closing of a hopeful future. It's now just closed.