I remember when I was a little kid, my big dream was to be a radiologist. I saw x-rays and was fascinated with their usage to understand the body, issues and make a diagnosis. Did I really understand the wide scope of radiology? No, but I was a young child. I still remember the shock that people had when I was in first grade and some would answer how they wanted to be a ballerina or a firefighter and my answer was to be a radiologist. I kept that dream until high school where I struggled with biology and realized if I struggled with high school, I had no hopes of surviving med school so I should really move on. A fascination doesn't mean you really cut it.
I developed another dream which I really saw as just a dream; one that is fascinating and I'm sure plenty day-dream about but keep it as just that: a day-dream. However, I'm seeing now how to get a hold of that, how to get closer. I only discuss it with one because if I never make it, then no harm done; if I make it, then I have fulfilled one of my dreams.
I did have brain surgery in hopes of escaping the many seizures I have. I spent three weeks in the hospital and had two surgeries. I cannot possibly explain the excruciating pain involved. I hear people now say that they had such horrible pain, blah blah, oh my gosh, it was awful! I know that it must have been the worst pain they had ever experienced so sure, it seemed pretty bad. However, it is hard for me to keep fawning over them and saying, "Oh, you poor thing! I'm glad you made it out of the hospital after a few days/one week!) Even if there for a couple weeks, I know their pain couldn't be near as bad as mine. Granted, anything involving the brain and I can absolutely empathize and know how awful it is. Anything else, when they can complain, it's not that bad. I remember being in there, lights out, drapes closed, sunglasses on, head buried in the pillows under my arm and it was still too bright. Simply moving and it caused the throbbing to increase by at least a couple hundred times. Apparently I went five days without eating and was forced to eat then, threw up several times, etc. Yeah, brutal. I should write a whole post about that, it's bad..
My son should be getting into the ABA certified school this fall. This means his autism will be fully tackled by those who know how to fully handle autistic kids and I saw such improvement in him when he was there for a short time. It was a bit difficult getting the funding to get him in but it's done; he should be ready for the fall. He wants to read so while we work on that at home, I'm sure he'll just take off at school.
On my personal note, I had a friend tell me I have too high standards. I thought about that and disagreed. I have a young son so I know what we need and what I want for the two of us. I have seen the good and the bad and I was raised by a single parent. Granted, she was married for a short period of time and that was actually when the bad started coming on. I really, really don't want that. So I've been asked why I won't take someone back if I love them or why I'd leave them if I truly love them and that's because I rationally look at the future. I can have all the love now but if I see failure in the near future, it's not rational to so hurt both families, ourselves, my son and properties involved. Some simply call me rational in being able to look that far in the future and essentially remove myself from the picture to evaluate. I tend to agree with that, obviously!
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