Part 2

So after he got married, the whole dynamics of our relationship had to change. I had to take my heart, put it back in it's little box and tell it that it was over, heal itself. Of course, I didn't tell him how crushed I was, I'm sure he could tell, but it was too late. He would still joke about me coming down to see him or he would come up and see me. I would joke back that he was a married man and needed to behave. I said this in a joking manner but was very serious. I knew I couldn't see him and be "just friends" when I knew he would return home to his wife. I finally had to be a bit firm about that.

Our relationship then was sort of up and down. I would ask him about his job, his wife, little stuff, all the while still feeling upset. We then would get in arguments about the usual stuff: how I broke his heart, he broke mine, he was married while I wanted him, I had a child, blah blah blah.

Then one day we had an argument which I didn't consider a big thing. It was on the usual topic of why he got married and I told him I didn't see how he could possibly be "forced" into marrying someone he didn't want to marry. He tried to explain that in India, it's different. I finally said I figure it was something I was never going to really understand, different cultures, different styles. He then said something else, I don't even remember what, but then told me he was already upset and didn't need me to "bombard him with my American values." I was like what the heck? Did he suddenly forget that I am American and would thus have American values? It seemed like a low blow to me. It was that distinct separation of my being American and him being Indian. I never felt we were so different, I told him I wouldn't understand simply because cultures can be very different. I never insulted his values or insulted him on the fact that he is Indian. He turned around though and insulted my being American. I then told him that was low and he told me to grow up. That definitely wasn't the correct response.

After that, I couldn't get over the fact that he had insulted me like that. I so much wanted to tell him that if he didn't like it, get the hell out of my country and go back to his little hell hole where most people don't even have washers and dryers. I couldn't say that though; that would be low and uncalled for. Instead I just didn't talk to him for a while. Any communication was initiated by him and I was very cold. I knew I was but did he bother to ask why I was like that? Nope. I knew he knew why I was like that. Otherwise, he would have asked what the heck my problem was. He knew he had insulted me and that I was very angry but he wouldn't apologize. The thing it, he meant it. Maybe that's the part that hurt me the most. It wasn't some nasty comment made while in a fit of anger. It was something said specifically meant to hurt me which he obviously meant. I am proud to be an American and the man I still loved just insulted me in a very large way. The only thing worse he could have said was to insult me on the fact that I'm a woman.