Pigeons and Goats

So once again I fell asleep in international studies class... I have yet to stay fully awake during one of them. I had my ipod on for a little while...fell asleep, then woke up and turned it off. According to the guy next to me the teacher had gotten irritated and said he was going to take a random attendence since so many people were falling asleep. It happens every week, Im surprised hes just now catching on...lol So I woke up, had nearly an hour left of class and needed to do something. So I decided to write my weekly arabic story. I have a lot of fun doing those because they can say anything and don't have to make much sense. So this week I wrote about a pigeon. I never sit down with any idea, I open my book, look at the first random word that looks interesting, a build a story from there, just totally random vocab words put into some semblance of a story. Anyways! This one was about a pigeon that I stole and tied in brown string. I brought it back with me and taught it to paint wood. It became very good and I opened a gallery, showcasing it's work. Many people came to admire the work and I was pleased with the pigeon. However, I soon after abandoned the pigeon to persue a blonde goat that could fix tambourines and play the flute. That was my story, no real rhyme or reason to it, just there for entertainment. Shows just how bored I was...lol

So, I have been doing some thinking...yes I do that occasionally...scary I know. :P A few things were said to me regarding my character or personality so I thought about those things for a bit. I was told that I am rigid and everything is either yes or no with me. Typically, this is true. I do have a few things where there are grey areas, but those are few and far between. I like being black/white. I typically think I am an easy person to read, you'll know when I'm happy or when I'm angry. While some see this as an extreme, I see it as an advantage. You will never have to question where I stand on something because it will always be right there. Yes or No, good or bad. Trying is good, but some things are better left to rest. I don't think I have ever been one to make a drastic decision either. It is obvious when I am unhappy and I would only turn drastic if there was no other way to get through to someone. Usually I try to be nice and patient, but as anyone can tell you, I am not a very patient person for long. I admit, I am not one for having serious sit down conversations about things that bother me. I try to let the person know but I hate having to spell anything out. Maybe thats my lack of patience coming into play again. I do try to bend and be flexible with other people, but I do have my limits.

I am very independent, that will never change. I do not need anyone and I pride myself on that. I was raised by a single mother so it has been ingrained in my very soul that need to be self-sufficient and independent. So, with that attitude, I hate to feel needed. I want to feel wanted, but not needed. There is a difference. I've been told by some that I am a bit of an odd girl because I am not overly affectionate, at least not usually. When I am at home, I am much more relaxed, much happier to cuddle on the couch with my significant other and be ms. lovey dovey. However, when I am in public, I am a very different person. The most anyone would ordinarily see from me would be the occasional hug or maybe holding hands. I don't typically like to be touched, or kissed, or really even giving me sappy looks. I know, thats strange coming from a girl but thats just one of my odd little quirks. I've never liked those things and seriously doubt I ever would. I don't need to be told I am appreciated, or how wonderful I am, or how much I am loved. I don't need that. I am just as happy with a "hey, whats up? just thinking about you" message as I am with 10 sappy ones. It lets me know that my guy is thinking about me, but nothing more. If I don't hear from him, I assume he is busy. I may drop him a note or I may just let it go till he has time. I don't get worried if I don't hear from the person, I just talk to them when we're not running around with a billion things to do. I understand cramped schedules...I have one too. lol So yes, I do have my faults the same as anyone else. I am sometimes aggressive, I am not very patient, I am very easily irritated, I have a tendency to lash out when I am irritated so I try to bottle everything inside, often making me seem indifferent or moody. I am sometimes distant, shutting those out that are really just trying to help. I guess I could even say that at times I am overconfident. I plow forward without thinking about what or who is in my path. I have an agenda and nothing stands in my way. If it does, I get rid of it. So I know I have hurt some people by doing that. I try not to because it is usually the people I care about most. I am getting better but still not perfect. So theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yes I have my faults, I admit to that, but those are what make me who I am. For some, I am too much, for others, I'm not enough. So, I'm sorry to those who may have been hurt by me at some point, but this is just who I am and how I operate. I work on my faults but embrace those things which I consider to be strong and make me who I am. So now, all can understand just where I stand. No more questions, it's pretty cut and dry...or black and white as I prefer.